


Chrysalis

by JadeLotus (Lotusflower85)



Series: A Year in the Life [6]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:34:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 24,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4310727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lotusflower85/pseuds/JadeLotus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stranded on an uncharted planet and without the Force, Luke and Mara find their relationship tested.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Focus had never been one of Mara Jade’s strengths.

Of course, she valued precision and efficiency in everything she did, but even as the Emperor’s Hand she had never so single-mindedly pursued a goal that she lost sight of the surrounding circumstances.  It was what had made her such an accomplished assassin; the ability to assess and adapt to the situation. It was also what had resulted in her one failure: to kill Luke Skywalker. Had she been intent only on completing that task she would have shot his X-Wing out of the sky the moment she’d felt him floating in hyperspace - or not even that, she would have spent those five years after Endor ruthlessly tracking him down heedless of her own safety. It would have been a suicide mission, and Mara was always grateful and pleased with that particular negligence. 

Since then Mara had seen this lack of focus not as a weakness but a strength which resulted in her highly-tuned danger sense, her periphery awareness and her adaptability. However, the flipside was she found it difficult to hone her concentration, to manipulate small objects which required narrowed attention, or to block out all senses but one to discern a particular sight, sound or thought. It was why she had always struggled with meditation, despite Luke’s patience in teaching her. She simply did not like the sensation of looking inward, to block out the world around her and centralise with singular focus. Mara felt it left her vulnerable, despite Luke’s insistence that such feelings were the point, and she needed to leave herself open to the Force if it ever was to speak to her. 

But as she sat cross-legged on the bed in her hotel suite, for once her focus was tightly honed on a single object. She blocked out all other thoughts - her mission to the planet Kaurna set to begin that night, the notes she still needed to peruse and the final preparations she needed to make on the  _Sabre_. But for the moment all of her attention was fixed on the small device sitting before her on the bed, blinking blue as it evaluated the blood sample she’d smeared on the testing pad. 

The wait was interminable. The blood from her pricked finger had congealed, stopping the flow without the need for a plaster. All Mara could do was sit there with her eyes fixed, unblinking, watching for the flashing light to stabilise and change colour. Red would mean nothing - green would mean she was pregnant. 

All other thoughts and sounds had been pushed out of her mind and even her Force sense narrowed to the small device and the blinking light which seemed to taunt her, as if it was having difficulty deciding whether or not her life should be changed irrevocably. Mara was about to snap and throw the device across the room in frustration when the blinking increased in frequency. Mara leaned forward with anticipation, her heart racing and breathing stilled as the device beeped a final time and the light changed colour. 

It was red. 

Unexpected relief flooded her as Mara let out her held breath, her eyes rolling skyward as she blinked rapidly. Confusion at her immediate reaction soon replaced her repose, and she shifted in the bed, hugging her knees to her chest.

Wasn’t a child what she’d wanted? Hadn’t she made the decision six month previous during the Midwinter festival to relinquish control over the issue, and let nature take its course? Surely she would not have made that decision unless she was prepared for the consequences. And the fertility ceremony on New Alderaan a few weeks previous, hadn’t she been secretly hoping it had been successful despite her dismissal of its influence? 

It was then that Mara realised she wasn’t alone - a familiar presence in the back of her mind confirmed that her husband was nearby, in fact just in the next room. 

Luke had always been keen on adventure, and while he loved his Academy and students on Yavin, Mara knew he grew restless if he stayed in one place too long. Since they’d been married their time together had been far too infrequent, so when they hadn’t been able to line up a gap in both their schedules she’d invited him to accompany her on her mission to Kauna. But she hadn’t been expecting him to arrive until later that day, and had hoped to have good news for him. The fact that she didn’t wasn’t what worried her - it was the uncertainty of how long he’d been there, and how much he had sensed. 

Taking in a deep breath, Mara crossed the small bedroom and went out into the main room of the suite. Luke was sitting on the couch, outwardly looking very relaxed. His arms were resting casually against the back of the couch cushions and one boot was propped up against the caf table. But beneath the calm veneer Mara saw a storm brewing in the clench of his jaw and his pursed lips; through their bond in the Force she felt an uncomfortable prickle. It was clear that he had not only sensed what she'd been doing, but he'd felt her relief at the negative test. 

But rather than be cowed, Mara steeled herself. “Luke,” she greeted him somewhat coldly. “You’re early.”

A muscle in Luke’s jaw tensed, and through the Force his barriers became tightly fortified. Mara reinforced her own mental walls, not wanting to let anything else slip out. When he turned to her, his expression was blank. 

“Leia and Han gave me lift in the  _Falcon_ ,” he said tightly. “Apparently Leia wanted to meet with the Filalli Queen to work out some kind of trade deal, anyway.” 

Filalli was the third planet in the same-named system, and the only one charted by the New Republic. It was far into the Outer Rim, and only discovered a few years previous, with both the NR government and private entities such as Karrde’s anxious to come to trading terms with the native populace for access their mineral-rich world. 

“As long as she doesn’t step on my toes,” Mara told him with some humour. “I’ve already made progress with the Queen for Karrde - I think she’s receptive to us establishing trade relations.”

“I’m sure you both can work something out,” Luke said lightly. Something in his expression softened, and Mara knew he had decided not to address the bantha in the room. Instead, he held out his hand in invitation, and Mara crossed the room to take it. As his warm skin touched hers she felt a sense of calm permeate her, and sank down onto the couch next to him, entwining her fingers with his as Luke leaned over to kiss her cheek. “I missed you.” 

Mara rested her head against his shoulder, pushing aside her earlier thoughts and simply allowing herself to enjoy his presence. “I missed you too.”

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Leia came to visit her, fresh from her negotiations with the Filalli queen. Mara had let Luke go explore the city while she finished up at the hotel, but she was always happy to make time for her sister-in-law They sat together at the caf table sipping rootgrass tea at Leia’s request, and Mara used the opportunity to grill her about the trade deal. 

“They are anxious to preserve their sacred sites, as you know,” Leia was telling her. “But I believe they are receptive to a New Republic mining operation that is overseen by their Elders to ensure it complies with their cultural laws.”

“A mine?” Mara was surprised. Since Karrde didn’t have the funds or manpower for such an operation, her agreement with the Filalli had been that they would purchase raw product acquired through the efforts of their own people.

“Yes,” Leia nodded. “It will provide significant local employment and prosperity, as well as provide us with quantities of mineral to make the operation worthwhile.” Leia must have seen Mara’s expression sour, because she quickly patted her hand in reassurance. “Of course this would be in concert with Karrde’s organisation, Mara. I’m well aware this project is only possible due to your efforts here.”

Mara was somewhat mollified, but not exactly happy that the victory was being somewhat taken away from her. “Alright, I’ll talk to Karde about it,” she said, taking a sip of her tea and eyeing Leia over her cup. She made a face at the reedy taste, and put the cup back in its saucer. “As long as you leave Kaurna alone - it’s taken a long time and numerous incentives for the Queen to tell me about the planet, and I don’t want the Republic muscling in on that as well.”

“Of course,” Leia smiled in acquiescence. “How much have you been able to find out?”

Mara shrugged.  Although she trusted Leia’s word she had no faith in other NR representatives who would throw her over with little incentive. “Not much,” she said cautiously. “Just the coordinates and that it’s a mineral-rich world. I’ve been given a contact in one of the local tribes, so that’s a start.” 

“I know Luke is looking forward to accompanying you,” Leia said as she took another sip of her tea. Mara nodded and forced a smile, although her heart tightened somewhat. There were no hyperspace routes within the system, so it would take a day or so for them to reach Kauna, the next planet over, at top speed. When they’d planned the trip it had seemed like a luxury - a day on the  _Sabre_  there and back, and another on the planet making first contact and hopefully arranging for further negotiations. However their relationship had felt somewhat strained since what had happened that morning, and now Mara was almost dreading being in close quarters with that unspoken friction between them.

“How are you, Mara?” Leia asked, placing her soft hand over Mara's and squeezing lightly. “You seem out of sorts.” 

Inwardly, Mara cursed the Skywalker intuition. “I’m fine,” she lied, knowing she did not fool Leia for a second. 

“I don’t want to pry,” Leia responded in a tone that left little doubt that was exactly what she wanted to do. “But of course you know you can tell me anything in confidence-”

“I’m not pregnant,” Mara replied shortly, withdrawing her hand from Leia’s soft grip. She had felt through their ever growing sisterly bond what was on Leia’s mind, and Mara had tightened her own barriers so not to let her own thoughts slip. 

“Oh.” Leia looked disappointed, and took another deep sip of her tea before placing the cup back carefully onto the saucer. “I thought...I thought you might be. Because...I am.”

“ _What_?” Very little ever surprised Mara, but she looked at Leia wide-eyed. “You’re…”

“I’m going to have a baby,” Leia said, but through her smile the look she gave Mara was sad and guilty.

“Oh,” Mara said somewhat numbly. “Congratulations.” 

“I was sure that you were going to be as well,” Leia added, looking away anxiously. “I thought...the ritual on New Alderaan last month. I was hoping so much it would work for you - perhaps my longing backfired.” Her brows came together as Leia grew pensive. “The Queen’s role is meant to be a conduit only,” she added, almost to herself. “That’s why my mother believed it never worked for her.”

Mara rolled her eyes. “Or conception is about compatibility and timing,” she said stiffly. “And not some mystical being.” She regretted the words as Leia looked back at her somewhat wounded. Mara sighed and rubbed her forehead with agitation and guilt - she should know better than to insult the lost culture Leia had been trying to desperately to keep alive. 

“Are you happy?” she asked instead of apologising. 

Leia let out a deep sigh. “It certainly wasn’t planned, and  _four_  children? Han’s halfway to his smashball team.” Her face cracked into a wide smile, her joy radiating through the Force. “But yes, I’m so happy I don’t remember what it’s like to feel otherwise.” 

Leia’s exhilaration was infectious, and Mara found her spirits lifting somewhat. Although she could also feel a weight settling in her own heart, and found that disappointment reflected back in Leia. 

“But?” Mara prompted. 

“But…” Leia shrugged. “I was looking forward to us being pregnant together.”

Mara squashed down the hurt at Leia’s words, since she knew her sister in law had not meant to offend, and would have no idea the mixed emotions Mara was experiencing. Still, the weight in her heart took root, so that it could not be easily shaken off.

“It will happen, Mara,” Leia assured her, placing a soft hand on her shoulder. “I know it.”

She allowed Leia to take her into a tight embrace, sharing her joy and certainty that one day soon they would raise their children together, a true family as close and loving as anyone could wish for. Mara felt Leia’s healing touch through the Force, lightening her mood and lessening the sadness in her heart, even if it could not quite be dislodged. 

Mara only wished she had her confidence.


	2. Chapter 2

It was dark in the stateroom of the _Jade Sabre_ as they moved into the night cycle, but Mara felt sleep unwilling to find her.  She nuzzled her face against the soft pillow, willing for peace to descend and quiet the whirling thoughts inside her mind, but the agitation was too great.  Luke was in the bed beside her of course, and yet he had not reach out to embrace her as was his custom.  She'd gotten used to his arms around her when they were together, so much so that for him to be sleeping a foot away and yet not touching her made her feel far more lonely than she ever could without him there. 

Except he wasn't asleep.  She could feel that low-level buzzing from the Luke-place in the back of her mind that told her his thoughts were also agitated.  She wanted him so badly - it had been at least a month since they'd been together, but Mara couldn't quite bring herself to reach out for him.  But in the end she didn't have to, as Luke shifted in the bed to spoon her.  

Perhaps he'd picked up on her thoughts, or perhaps he was just as desperate for physical connection as Mara was, but she cared little which it was when she felt his hot breath on her neck.  Mara relaxed back into him, sighing happily at his warm hand on her leg.  Luke began slowly, pressing feathery light kisses to her neck as he drew small patterns on her thigh just below the hem of her nightgown.  Mara closed her eyes and focused on the light movement of his fingers as he drew the infinity symbol over and over again, each figure eight growing larger and with increased pressure. 

Heat began to pool in her belly, and Mara squeezed her legs together, the movement making his hand slip away.  But it soon returned, rubbing the soft silk of her nightgown where it covered the swell of her hip and inching higher as Mara's breath hitched in anticipation.  His mouth found her earlobe, sucking it lightly as his hand reached her breast and squeezed.  

She pressed back into him, arching her back and pushing her breast further into his hand, gratified when he obliged her by caressing her nipple.  The warmth of his thumb and the silk of her nightgown formed the most exquisite sensation, and Mara let out a small gasp.  She felt Luke smile against the shell of her ear as his thumb made another pass, and Mara bit her lip to keep from crying out.  It had been far too long, and she didn't want to wait any longer.

Luke got the hint, his hand leaving her breast to trail a light path down her stomach and then her thighs, pushing up her nightgown back over her hips.  His fingers dipped below the waistband of her underwear, and Mara sighed in pleasure and relief when they rubbed lightly against her.  Caressing her slowly at first, his fingers soon increased their pace as Mara rocked her hips against them, the pressure in her core swiftly building.  His hot, quickened breath was again in her ear, and it occurred to her that he had not said a word.  

She could feel his hardness pressing against her rear, and knew exactly how to make him talk.  Shifting slightly, Mara tried to reach around behind her and grasp him, but Luke's hand darted away from her folds to catch her arm. He gave a small sigh and kissed the back of her neck, a firm _No_ flittering through her mind. His fingers entwined with hers, slightly wet with her essence, and he steered it back to her breast. His hand remained over hers as they squeezed and massaged her together, his fingers guiding hers to caress and pinch and lightly tug. When Luke's hand left her breast her own remained, playing with her firm nipples as his touch returned to the centre of her desire.

He was firmer this time, rubbing her throbbing clit with renewed purpose, his arm tensing against her belly as he got into a rhythm.  The pressure inside her built with every firm stroke of his fingers, until the pleasure was so great she almost couldn't stand it.  Mara cried out, throwing her head back against his neck and no longer caring about whether he spoke or not, or why he didn't want her to touch him in return.  Her legs clamped together around his hand as she came with a shudder, her own hand squeezing her breast tightly.   

Luke kissed her neck, his fingers still moving against her slowly as her climax receded like the tide going out.  But instead of holding her tightly as she had come to expect, Luke withdrew.  She turned around in his arms seeking his lips, but he lifted his chin and she settled for kissing the dip of his throat.  Still awash in the aftermath of her climax, Mara sought him with every intention of pulling him into the bliss she was feeling.   

But his hand grasped her arm, stopping her from proceeding further.  She lifted her gaze to his questioningly, and found her answer in the sadness of his eyes and a whisper in the back of his mind.  It was clear enough - he believed she no longer wished to become pregnant, and so he was sparing her the chance of it happening.  A supreme overreaction to the situation, in Mara’s opinion, and her irritation flared. Why was he such a kriffing martyr?

Mara wanted to tell him how ridiculous he was being.  Perhaps she should reach out to him through the Force and let her heart say what she could not; let him find the answer through the union of her souls, but his walls were too high to be breached.  Instead she sought his lips again, at least wanting to draw him into her embrace, but Luke avoided it, instead pressing a soft kiss to her forehead, lingering for a few moments before shifting around in the bed so that he was lying with his back to her in a clear dismissal.

But Mara wasn't about to be ignored - she wouldn't go to sleep knowing that as soon as she did he would go and finish himself off in the 'fresher.  The thought of him doing so made her sick.

She pressed herself against him, kissing his bare shoulder and running her hand down his arm.  Mara did not try to breach the barricade around his Force sense, instead focusing on the physical action.  Pressing her breasts into his back, her hand skimmed his chest, pleased when the tight muscles clenched under her touch and Luke drew a sharp intake of breath.  She loved to touch him, to run her hands over his slight but firm frame and make him quiver with desire.  Even though through the Force he was distant, Mara could feel him respond and knew that he wanted her very badly.    

Mara brought her hand back and rubbed it between her thighs, coating her fingers in her own wetness before reaching around him, pulling down his sleep pants and brushing against his hard, throbbing length.  She took him into her hand, curling her fingers around him and moving them purposefully up and down.  Luke let out a low moan as she massaged him, slowly at first, keeping a steady rhythm as his he pulsated under her hand.  Her leg slipped in between his own, and Mara rubbed her foot lightly against his calf.

"Don't start something you don't want me to finish, Skywalker," she whispered huskily in his ear, and under her hand his cock twitched in response as his breath quickened to short, staccato bursts.  Her slick hand glided smoothly over his length, moving faster with every stroke.  She loved the feel of him under the curl of her fingers, of making him lose control and she couldn't deny that a part of her wanted to win - to make it clear that she wouldn't accept what he clearly had thought was a noble sacrifice.  He was hot and hard as she moved her fist up and down, squeezing ever so lightly at the root and running her thumb over his head with every firm stroke until he was quivering just like she intended.      

"Mara..." her name fell from his lips in a low moan as he tensed with climax.  But Mara held him tightly through the convulsion, her chest against his back and her hand rubbing lightly against his flesh to help soothe him back down.  For a moment they lay there together, bodies pressed against one another and breathing heavily.  But rather than him turning back to her as she had expected, Luke got up out of bed and headed to the 'fresher to clean himself up.    

When he slipped back into the bed beside her Mara pretended that she was asleep, unsure of what else to do.  She wished that he would reach out to her, that he would enfold her into his embrace and they would come to terms which whatever barrier had been erected between them, but she was left waiting.

 

* * *

 

Alone in the stateroom of the  _Jade Sabre_ , Luke reached out into the expanse of the Force in an attempt to centre himself. He’d been unsuccessfully trying to meditate for some time, his thoughts too agitated and fierce to possibly be calmed and rationalised. The journey through space from Filalli had been the longest of his life, the frisson of tension between himself and Mara too powerful to be dismissed, even if both had tried their best to ignore it. 

Luke hadn't been able to stop himself from reaching out to her the previous night, despite promising himself that he would not do so.  But lying in the bed beside her had been too much, although he had retained the presence of mind not to actually engage in intercourse.  He knew he'd confused and perhaps hurt her by doing so, but he needed time to think and the consequences were too high.  Unfortunately thinking hadn't proved helpful.      
  
In his hand he held an idol - Leia’s gift from New Alderaan. Made from orowood, it was carved into the shape of Alderaan’s creation goddess, the Great Mother. He and Mara had joked about its supposed influence on fertility, but in his heart Luke had hoped that there was something to the old Alderaanian beliefs - especially when Leia had told him joyfully of her own good news. He thought Mara had felt it too - in the woods near New Aldera where it had felt as if the planet’s lifeforce had flowed through them.   
  
It had only been a few years ago that Luke had given up on ever having children of his own, that he would ever find the exquisite happiness he saw in his sister and brother-in-law, the joy they found in Jacen, Jaina and young Anakin. Even when he and Mara had decided to get married, they’d only talked about the possibility of a family in distant terms. Luke had resigned himself to the possibility that it would never happen - given her own childhood he understood Mara’s reluctance on the issue.   
  
He didn’t care - he loved the idea of being a father, but he loved Mara more.   
  
Yet when she’d broached the issue at Midwinter on Coruscant and made the conscious decision to stop taking birth control, it had filled him with such a joyful hope that he would be lying to himself it hadn’t been on his mind the past six months.   
  
Of course he knew such things could take time, and was content to wait and let nature take its course. The lack of conception wasn’t the issue - it was Mara’s reaction to it. He’d wanted to surprise her, and so he’d snuck into her rented apartment on Filalli without sending through a comm to say he’d arrived. His Force presence hadn’t been cloaked, but she’d been so focused that she simply hadn’t sensed him, and once he had felt where her attention was drawn, he’d settled himself down on the couch and waited.   
  
Her relief at the negative test had cut deeply at his heart as treacherous questions ran through his mind. If she’d changed her mind, why hadn’t she simply told him? Or worse yet, what if she’d felt pressured into trying for a baby so soon, knowing how desperately he’d wanted it? But he hadn’t asked her, opting for silence and distance until now the issue hung heavily between them, their bond in the Force tenuous.  
  
In many ways it felt much as it had done before they were married, always talking past one another in willful miscommunication. Perhaps that was what wounded Luke so deeply - the knowledge that they had reverted so quickly back into their old, comfortable behaviours. Except it hurt worse now, because of their bond which could not be broken, but was stretched painfully thin as they pulled away from one another.   
  
“Luke,” Mara’s voice came through the comm. “We’re here.”  
  
Sighing, Luke replaced the statue back on the side table and joined Mara in the cockpit. She was flying the ship manually, a large green and white planet looming before them through the viewscreen as he slipped into the co-pilot’s seat and strapped himself in. Mara’s gaze was fixed ahead, her rigid posture and body language sending a clear signal that she didn’t want to talk.  
  
Still, Luke realised that he’d spent the last day in transit wallowing when he should have been reading up on the mission. He picked up her datapad from the side console and perused her notes. “So, what are we expecting to find on Kaurna?”   
  
“It’s pronounced  _garn-a_ ,” Mara told him, emphasising the unfamiliar word. “At least in their language.”  
  
“Oh.” Luke frowned - he hadn’t considered that the people they were going to see didn’t understand Basic. Although perhaps if he’d even given a moment’s thought to the mission he should have realised that an isolated culture on an uncharted planet wouldn’t know the Galactic Standard. “Do you...speak their language?”  
  
“A little bit,” Mara shrugged. “The Filalli adviser taught me the basics, and I’m sure I can use the Force to fill in the blanks.”  
  
“I wish you’d told me,” Luke said, a bit surprised at her uncharacteristic reliance on the Force. “I would have brought Threepio.”  
  
Mara gave him a look, the corner of her mouth twitching into a smile. “That’s why I didn’t tell you.”  
  
Another time he would have been amused and played along with the banter, but Luke felt only irritation at her words. “No, I suppose a little communication is too much to expect from you.”  
  
Mara exhaled harshly at jabbed at the controls much harder than required. “Why don’t you just steal the thoughts from my head?” she said shortly, her ire always quick to surface. “Like usual?”  
  
Turning his attention inward, Luke smothered the surge of anger as quickly as it had appeared. He reminded himself that Mara was trying to get a rise out him, that his anger was what she wanted because it made her comfortable, and gave her power.   
  
“I’m in your head, Mara,” he told her as evenly as he could manage. “Just as you’re in mine - I can’t help that.”  
  
“Can’t you.” Mara’s gaze returned to the planet looming before them, growing closer with every second. Through the Force, he felt her tug away further and the movement felt like a rough tearing at the back of his mind.   
  
Silently, Luke counted to ten to calm himself. Then he did it again, until he trusted himself to speak. “If you want to fight, Mara, I’ll oblige you,” he told her. “But I think you should concentrate on landing.” He had a bad feeling completely unrelated to the beginnings of their argument. Even through their strained bond, Luke knew she could sense it too.   
  
Mara didn’t answer, but he saw her grip the steering device a bit tighter as they began the atmospheric entry. The planet’s stratosphere seemed much thicker than usual, but perhaps that was due to the lack of frequent space traffic. The ship rattled violently as they broke through the final layer of atmosphere, and Luke gripped the armrests of the co-pilot’s seat. It was not normal entry turbulence - something felt terribly wrong, and the more he tried to reach out through the Force to determine what it was, the further away the Force seemed to be.   
  
“There’s some kind of interference,” Mara said through gritted teeth as the  _Sabre_ ’s digital screens flickered. “Hang on.” She punched in a sequence into her control screen, but she only got halfway through before it died and went blank. “Shavit,” she swore as the ship nosedived towards the endless green of the planet.   
  
Luke tried to reach out to the Force to steady the ship, but it did not answer his call. Pushing aside that concern, he reached for the co-pilot’s controls to try and help Mara steer manually, or at least slow them down. But it was of little use as the ship hurtled down and crashed into the forest below. 

* * *

“Luke?”  
  
He heard Mara’s voice as if from far away, and with some effort Luke opened his eyes and groaned, trying to orient himself.   
  
“Luke.” Mara’s face loomed fuzzily before him, slowly coming back into focus. She looked worried, and he concentrated on her red lips moving around his name, on the feel of her cool hands on either side of his face. “Are you alright?”  
  
He fumbled for the clasp of his restraints and undid them, releasing the pressure against his abdomen. Mara’s hands moved from his face to press gently against his ribs, checking for injury.  
  
“You’ll live, Skywalker,” she said softly.   
  
“Is the ship okay?” he asked, blinking several times and looking around the cockpit.   
  
“The shields were still active, so yes,” Mara sighed as she turned back to the ship’s console. “But she won’t fly – the planet seems to be giving off some kind of electromagnetic field that’s messing with the systems.”   
  
“Mara,” he caught her arm as a cold dread filled him. “I can’t feel the Force.”  
  
She sighed again and helped him to his feet, then peered out through the viewscreen to the dense forest outside. “Neither can I,” she admitted. “Think this planet has ysalamiri?”  
  
“I  _think_  we’ve walked into a trap,” he told her. “Didn’t your Filalli contact mention anything about an EMP field?”  
  
“No,” Mara propped herself up against the console, crossing her arms and considering. “But they only trade with the Kaurna people once a year, and their ships are hardly advanced – they run on a different frequency than the  _Sabre_ ’s systems.”  
  
“Well, I’m sorry I built you such an advanced ship,” he said dryly, although he wasn’t convinced by her explanation.   
  
She smiled, but without their bond in the Force he found it difficult to decipher. He was missing that warm brush of her presence against his to let him know her thoughts.   
  
“And the Force?” he asked her, shaking off his discomfort.   
  
“They’d never even heard of the Jedi,” Mara told him. “How would they know?”  
  
Luke grimaced. “Still, we should be on our guard.”  
  
“I always am, Skywalker.”  
  
“I’ll send a distress signal back to the  _Falcon_ ,” Luke said, moving towards the controls and thankfully finding the sub-space communications still active, if only in text form. “It will take them a while to receive it and get here, but we have enough supplies to wait it out.”  
  
Mara stood, a look of determination on her face. “You can stay here if you want, but I still have a mission to complete.” She walked past him and back into the ship’s storage space, and when Luke followed he saw that she was crouched on the floor preparing a travelling pack.   
  
“I’m sorry?”   
  
“I have the coordinates of the tribe I’m meant to make contact with,” Mara explained. “It will take a few days to trek through the forest, but I’ll get there.”  
  
Luke ran a hand through his hair, and frowned when he found a small lump at the back of his head – no doubt why he’d blacked out. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  
  
“Come on, Luke,” she taunted him as she stowed a medkit in her pack. “Where’s that reckless streak?”  
  
But Luke was not amused by her flippancy. “I’m not so reckless anymore,” he reminded her. “I have responsibilities now. To the Academy – to you.”  
  
Mara looked up from her packing, and fixed him with a cool glare. “Are you saying that I don’t?”  
  
He knew he shouldn’t take the bait – that he should try and convince her logically, rationally. But perhaps he was still reckless after all.   
  
“I’m saying that those responsibilities don’t seem to have changed much in the past year,” he said, and in a rush all the small annoyances and niggling doubts fell from his mouth. “You said you would phase out work for Karrde, but you keep spearheading new missions – we barely get to see each other but usually I’m the one making the compromise. You  _never_ come to Yavin, at least not to train, like you should want to do if you were serious about being a Jedi. You say you want this new life with me – for us to be a family – but I don’t think that’s what you want at all.”  
  
They stared at each other for a long time, the void in the Force unsettling and strange. Mara’s face was impassive, and it was impossible to tell what she was thinking in those eternal moments of silence.   
  
“Well,” she said eventually, breaking eye contact and pulling the drawstring on her travel pack tight. “Tell me how you really feel.”   
  
But Luke refused to be cowed, bitterness taking root in his heart. “You first.”  
  
She looked back up at him, and for a moment she seemed wounded, an expression quickly concealed by utter distaste. He certainly didn’t need the Force to know what  _that_ meant – he remembered all too well from their time on Myrkr. But instead of biting back, Mara simply straightened and slung the pack over one shoulder before stalking down the gangway of the ship. Luke sighed heavily and put together his own traveling pack – he certainly wasn’t about to let Mara go alone.  
  
“A long trek through a forest with unknown dangers, no access to the Force, and she probably feels like killing me,” he muttered to himself as he followed Mara outside. “Seems just like old times.”


	3. Chapter 3

The planet Kaurna was deeply unsettling. Beautiful, Luke had to admit, with its dense eucalypt forest of yellow-green trees, the red earth beneath their feet and the skies above such a deep blue it was almost black. And yet it was not dark - the sun cascading light, but not heat, down upon them. It seemed whatever was in the thick atmosphere which coloured the sky filtered out a great deal of warmth from the sun - so different from Filalli, Luke noted, which had been a temperate planet of grassy plains and savannahs.  
  
Kaurna was cold, and yet teeming with life, particularly the thick woodland where a variety of strange, small creatures were visible in the trees or underground burrows. None seemed to pose any risk, and yet there was a constant shiver down Luke’s spine. It was simply hard to comprehend that a planet with such life seemed absent from the Force, especially since he had seen no creature akin to a ysalamiri who seemed to be responsible for the void. But despite his misgivings they could only keep going, and hope to find answers in the village where Mara meant to make contact.   
  
She walked several paces ahead of him, and he did not attempt to keep her stride. The journey had brought into sharp relief just how unconsciously he used the Force in his everyday life - ordinarily a thirty kilometre hike would pose no issue, and yet he was already beginning to feel the burn in his leg muscles from overuse where his natural abilities would usually extend his endurance without him even realising it. Mara was not unaffected either, indicated by the line of sweat at the back of her neck and intakes of breath which were heavier and more frequent than normal.   
  
They had spoken little in the hours of walking, Luke’s words on the  _Sabre_  hanging heavily between them. He wasn’t quite sure where the outburst had come from, but it was as if the deep reserve of his calm had finally been tapped dry, and feelings he hadn’t even acknowledged he’d had escaped. Mara had been studiously ignoring him ever since, and he’d stayed silent as well in fear that he would simply agitate the situation.   
  
Ahead of him Mara stopped, and in a few paces he was at her side. She glanced around the thick forest, frowning as if she had lost her bearings. From the travelling pack slung her one shoulder she retrieved her handheld triangulation device in which she’d entered the coordinates of their destination.   
  
“Are we on track?” Luke asked her, but Mara’s attention was on the device in her hands. Leaning forward, he could see interference with the equipment as the small screen kept flickering, not helped by Mara repeatedly banging the palm of her hand against the side.  
  
“I think that’s a lost cause,” Luke commented as the screen flickered and went blank.  
  
Mara sighed harshly and stowed the device back in her bag. “The same interference that scrambled the  _Sabre_ ’s systems,” she said grimly. “It gets worse the further we get.”  
  
Luke looked up at the sky, trying to approximate their position relative to where the sun had been several hours ago. Again, he felt hindered without the Force to reach out and feel his surroundings - if he meditated hard enough usually he could feel the very turn of a planet on its axis and the location of its orbit around a star; therefore to locate a nearby settlement would be an easy task. But without the Force or technology he was forced to rely only on what was available to them. Perhaps, he reasoned to himself, it would be a good learning exercise.   
  
“Don’t worry,” Mara slapped his arm to get his attention. “I hear water.” She took off again, and they soon came across a wide, gushing river. The water was deep and the rapids strong, coursing powerfully past where they stood on the bank where the rich red earth had turned to a thick clay beneath their boots.  
  
Mara looked particularly pleased, looking first at the mountains which rose in the distance to their left, and then nodded her head in the direction the water was flowing to the right. “That way.”   
  
It was a fair assumption any settlement would be near a water source, but Mara seemed very confident. “How can you be sure?” he asked her.   
  
“Obviously you didn’t read my notes carefully enough. One of the creation myths here is some kind of great serpent,” she rolled her eyes. “They believe its belly carved out the rivers in a journey from the mountains down to the plains. Their village, therefore will be where the river pools into a lake, and  _apparently_  where the spirit of the serpent still dwells to watch over them.”   
  
“I see,” Luke nodded, but her flippancy irritated him. “But you may want to sound a bit more respectful when you actually talk to the people in this village.”  
  
“Don’t worry, Skywalker,” Mara gave him a smile that was all false sweetness. “I’m respectful when I want to be.” She started to follow the path of the river, and Luke sighed as he followed her.  
  
“That’s news to me,” he muttered under his breath, and in front of him Mara gave a high clear laugh.   
  
“Like I said,” she shot back over her shoulder. “When I want to be.”

* * *

  
They made camp when night fell and it became obvious even to Mara that they could not possibly continue on in the darkness. The forest was too dense and the night sky above them pitch black, with few stars and only a purple-hued moon to light their way.   
  
They retreated back into the dense forest in case nocturnal predators used the river as a water source, and chose a spot to make camp. Mara built a fire and huddled closely to it as the night’s chill descended on them. From what she remembered before her triangulation device had died, the village was perhaps another days walk, if they started at first light and didn’t stop. She told herself that such a journey was easy - they’d done it before, on Myrkr. But Mara couldn’t deny that she was ten years older, and while she was still fit the day’s walk had already left her sweaty, tired and sore. To ask even more of her body tomorrow may be ambitious and foolhardy.   
  
Besides, back on Myrkr she’d become used to the absence of the Force, and had in fact welcomed it since the ysalamiri had drowned out the Emperor’s voice. After ten years and sporadic Jedi training, both with Luke and in her own private study, she’d come to a deeper and symbiotic relationship with the Force than she’d ever thought possible as the Emperor’s Hand. Back then she had been a conduit, and instrument of the Emperor’s instruction and will. Once his command had been driven from her mind and she’d come to accept that the Force itself was not inherently controlling, she’d welcomed the autonomy over it. She was in control of how she used the Force, and she had always been careful never to rely on it too heavily.   
  
Until Luke - when his mind and melded with her own and she’d felt the white hot intensity of his pure Force energy. It had filled all of the dark corners of her soul, and she’d drunk it in greedily, sharing herself back with him as they came to a true understanding of one another. It had felt so good to trust someone, to give herself over to him, but in the year since Mara felt as if she'd let go of too much of herself. Sometimes in the Force it was difficult to tell where she ended and Luke began, and while in those moments such unity seemed thrilling and exhilarating, she often felt herself almost relieved when they were separated again, and the bond was not so intense.   
  
So at first she had enjoyed being completely alone in her own head again, relishing the return to complete solitude. Yet as the day had worn on she could not deny that a part of her felt as if it was missing. Luke’s presence in the Force had become so deeply entwined with her own that rather than feeling as if she was finally autonomous again, she seemed incomplete. Perhaps that was what was unsettling her - the concern that she never could be the Mara Jade she was before her mind melded with Luke’s.   
  
But did she want to be? Luke’s pointed words had suggested as much. There had been a practicality to her solitary life, after all. She’d never had to worry about making time or aligning schedules, of expanding her friendship group or becoming part of a family. She had been able to take everything at her own pace - particularly her Jedi training. She’d told Luke back on Nirauan that she didn’t think she had the temperament for knighthood, unable to be selfless and devoted to everyone she met, rather than those she deemed worthy.  
  
They’d never discussed it after that, as if the issue had been resolved when she sacrificed the  _Jade’s_ _Fire_  to destroy the Hand of Thrawn. Perhaps that was what they had both wanted to believe, but the more Mara found herself being pulled by Luke into the world of the Jedi, the more she found herself resisting it.   
  
Feeling her face growing warm, Mara leaned back away from the fire, crossing her legs under herself and trying to find a comfortable position on the blanket she’d lain on the cold earth. Luke was a short distance away, propped up against a tree with a book open against his knees and his forehead creased in concentration. It was  _The Jedi Path_ , the training manual she’d given him at Midwinter on Coruscant, and every now and then he would make notes in the margins.   
  
"What are you reading about?" she asked, determined to make an effort at civility.   
  
Luke looked up, and seemed pleased at the question. “Lightsaber counter-measures,” he explained. “It mentions cortosis - do you remember we found some on Nirauan?”   
  
“How could I forget?” It had been the cortosis ore in the rock that had almost trapped them in that underground cave - where Luke had asked her to marry him.   
  
“Apparently during the Clone Wars the Separatists had battle droids armoured with the stuff,” he continued. “I guess it wasn’t as rare back then - at least based on Ahsoka’s comment.”  
  
“Ahsoka?”  
  
Luke smiled. “Anakin’s padawan - she inherited the book from him.”  
  
Mara nodded and held out her hands towards the fire to warm her stiff fingers. She vaguely remembered the name written in the front of the book, but hadn’t given any thought to who she was, and realised Luke must have scrutinised the text many times in order to glean clues from those who’d written in it, as if it was a window in the minds of his former masters. And of course, his father.   
  
Once Mara had realised that Palpatine had gotten his Sithly hands on the thing, his name and crest in blood-red inside the front cover, she hadn’t been able to force herself to look at the contents.   
  
“I was thinking,” Luke began, and Mara looked back up hoping that he hadn’t picked up on the direction of her thoughts, before realising that without their bond he likely wouldn’t. “Your information was that this world was mineral-rich - I’m wondering whether there’s cortosis here.”   
  
It was easy to see where he was going. “You think that’s where the Force void is coming from,” she nodded, giving the matter due thought. “Is that even how it works? I’ve never felt an absence of the Force around cortosis before, and there was a huge deposit in Nirauan.”  
  
Luke shrugged. “It was just an idea - it probably is more likely there’s something else going on here, and we’re walking into a trap.”  
  
“And here I thought I was supposed to be suspicious one,” she teased, but Luke did not return her smile.   
  
“Tell me more about this serpent who made the river,” he changed the subject. “Maybe there’s a clue in the mythology.”  
  
Mara thought back to the notes she’d made following her meeting with the Filalli adviser who had taught her a few words in the Kaurna language and a brief summary of their culture. Usually, Mara was only interested in such things to give her context for negotiations, but she knew Luke really enjoyed learning about the intricacies of other societies.   
  
“They’re nature worshippers from what I understand,” Mara told him. “They find meaning in the personification of the land and creatures that surround them.”  
  
Luke looked intrigued. “So what makes you think they’ll allow you to mine here?”  
  
“I can be very persuasive.”  
  
“I’ll bet.” Luke almost smiled. "I’d be interested to learn more of their stories once we get to the village.”  
  
Mara raised an amused eyebrow. “I thought we were walking into a trap?”  
  
Luke shrugged. “In the happy event that we’re not.”  
  
“You can listen to their bedtime stories all you like, Skywalker,” she said dryly. “Just leave the negotiations to me.”  
  
But Luke didn’t seem to be listening, an unfocused look in his eyes and he looked up at the purple moon.   
  
“The animal iconography is unusual,” he mused. “I’ve found that most creation stories in the Core have been based on Celestial myths, taking the form of whatever the native species happens to be. I wonder if it has anything to do with the absence of the Force here - the Celestials were after all beings of Force energy. But a snake deity? Very interesting.”  
  
“I think it’s phallic, actually,” Mara told him, her eyes rolling skyward. “And the land is the woman, so to speak.” She laughed at how ridiculous she found it all, but Luke didn’t seem as amused.   
  
“Oh.” He looked back down at his book and turned a page deliberately. Mara cursed herself inwardly, but her regret was soon replaced by irritation. He hadn’t asked her about her reaction to the negative pregnancy test, after all; he had simply assumed and withdrawn. That wasn’t her fault, and she didn’t particularly feel like soothing his bruised ego.   
  
“This planet reminds me of Myrkr,” she commented instead, looking around at the dense trees and remembering the last time they were together without the Force. “At least you’re not dragging Artoo around with you this time,” she noted. “Where is he, anyway?”  
  
“Tionne asked to borrow him for some research she’s doing on Coruscant,” Luke said, his attention still on his book. “Apparently they’ve uncovered some records on the Old Republic Jedi there.”  
  
“Oh? That sounds...interesting,” she said, although she didn’t find it so at all. “I’m surprised you didn’t join her.”  
  
“I leave most of the research to her these days, since she enjoys it so much,” Luke said evenly. “Besides, I promised I’d come see you.”  
  
Mara pursed her lips and turned away, the heat from the fire stinging her eyes. The unspoken accusation was clear, and only increased her irritation. “What do you mean by that?” she asked him when she returned her gaze to him.   
  
Luke looked up again, a muscle twitching in his jaw. “Nothing.”  
  
If he thought the absence of their bond meant she couldn’t tell when he was lying, he was sorely mistaken. “Really, because I think you mean that you’ve made sacrifices to spend time with me, when I haven’t done the same in return.”  
  
Closing his book, Luke returned it to his pack and withdrew two ration bars. “We should eat something,” he said as he tossed her one and ate the other.  
  
Mara sighed as she unwrapped the ration bar and took a bite, the texture chalky on her tongue. So he wanted to avoid the issue, that was fine with her. Let them sit in silence - she wouldn’t explain or share anything unless he asked first - not even her ration bar. It had become a habit for her to only eat half - that was all she could usually stomach since she hated the taste so much - and offer the rest to Luke since one bar had never seemed enough to satisfy his ravenous hunger. Once Luke had joked that this was the reason they were perfectly matched - that one ration bar was too much for her and not enough for him, and so when they ate together they each had the perfect quantity. But this time she forced herself to eat the entire thing, and if Luke noticed he said nothing.   
  
Later, when she was trying to sleep and he was on watch, she felt slightly sick when she heard his almost-empty stomach growl. She told herself that an extra half of a ration bar wouldn’t have made a difference - he was  _always_  hungry - but that didn’t assuage her guilt, especially when eating the whole bar herself had given her no pleasure.   
  
But she said nothing and simply turned over, trying to find rest in a mind that seemed empty and quiet.   


* * *

  
It was mid-morning and they’d barely covered ten kilometres when the dark skies above them opened and released waves of heavy, cold rain. Luke groaned with displeasure as he looked up, the thick water droplets pounding against his face. On Yavin he often liked to meditate in the rain, letting the water fall around him and draw him into a state of calm. But he did not like to travel through the rain, especially since the water that fell on him felt icy rather than the warm, tropical storms of his jungle home.   
  
“Maybe we should find some shelter, at least until the storm passes,” he suggested. The river rushing beside them would swell in such weather, and they may not be able to keep following its path.   
  
“Quit complaining, Skywalker.” Mara was ahead of him again, her shoulders squared as she quickened her pace.   
  
“Mara,” he argued, matching her strides so that they walked beside one another. “This will slow us down, we’ll never get to the village by nightfall.”  
  
Mara huffed and looked straight ahead. “Speak for yourself. Stop if you want to, I’m going ahead.”  
  
Luke grasped her arm, forcing her to stop and face him. “I’m not letting you go alone, don’t be ridiculous.” He still wasn’t convinced that there was something sinister about their situation.   
  
Shucking off his grip, Mara kept walking. “Your overprotectiveness is starting to grate,” she said sullenly.   
  
Catching up with her, Luke felt anger start to burn in the pit of his belly. “It’s hardly overprotective to leave you alone on a strange planet without the Force. Don’t try to turn this around on me Mara - this is you being stubborn.”  
  
Mara stopped abruptly, turning around and folding her arms over her chest. “I see, so I don’t take my responsibilities to you seriously, you don’t think I want to be a Jedi, and I’m stubborn. Anything else?”   
  
He knew what she was doing - trying to antagonise him into an argument. She’d tried to do it the previous night, but Luke had decided it wasn’t worth getting into. But today he was wet, cold, tired, and wasn’t as successful in clamping down on his feelings.   
  
“Mara...” he rolled his eyes.   
,   
“No, go on,” she urged him. “I certainly didn’t hold back on Nirauan. Fair is fair.”  
  
Luke ran a hand through his wet hair, slicking his back against his head. “Fine,” he took a deep breath and chose his words carefully. “You’re judgemental - look at the way you dismissed the Kaurnan beliefs last night. And your attitude towards the less tangible aspects of the Force is the same.”  
  
“Fine, acknowledged,” Mara shrugged. “I don’t see that as a bad thing, but I understand why you would.”   
  
Feeling the cold rain seep into his tunic, Luke shivered. He’d never dealt well with the cold, the uncomfortable feeling all too often amplifying his negative emotions.   
  
“You can be a bit hypocritical sometimes,” he told her, an old, almost-forgotten pain rising to the surface.   
  
Mara visibly bristled, piercing him with a glare. “How so?”  
  
“Well, speaking of Nirauan, you accused me of a lack of commitment to women in the past, when you  _knew_ what had happened to them,” Luke said, unable to keep his voice calm. “Gaeriel, Nakari and Jem died, Callista left, and Shira never cared about me in the first place. My commitment to them was never the problem.”  
  
"Did you ever think that  _was_?" she challenged him. "You breezed through life determined to love someone, but it wasn't enough that they were interested in you in return. There needed to be some challenge to overcome - you always chose the woman who was the most unsuitable or in most danger and so set yourself up to lose them. Because then it made it so much easier for you to cloister yourself away and sulk that you put those you loved in too much risk - so you never had to actually deal with an actual relationship."  
  
“Until you,” he pointed out.   
  
Mara laughed coldly, rivulets of water dripping off the ends of her soaking wet hair. “But that’s just it,” she told him. “I was the ultimate challenge, wasn’t I? I mean, I wanted to  _kill_  you, Luke. And you so desperately wanted to help me, to  _fix_  me, to turn me into a perfect Jedi. But maybe you can’t, and  _that’s_  what’s bothering you.”   
  
Luke stared at her for a few moments as her words sunk in, and then his anger flashed to the surface, red-hot and steaming. “How can you say that?” he demanded, advancing and grasping her arms. “How can you think that’s the reason I fell in love with you?” His grip tightened around her biceps, and Mara let out a small gasp of pain. He released her immediately and stepped back, breathing deeply to try and get himself back under control. Mara rubbed one arm and shot him a look loaded with accusation.   
  
“You did ask me to marry you when we thought we were about to die,” she pointed out.  
  
Without the Force to aid in his attempt at calm, Luke very slowly counted to ten before he answered. “But we didn’t die,” he said very deliberately as he tried to keep his voice even. “If there’s one thing you can’t deny, Mara, it’s my commitment to you - something you seem to have difficulty reciprocating.”   
  
“I married you didn’t I?” Mara turned on her heel and stalked off into the forest.  
  
“Yes,” he agreed as he followed her. “But sometimes I feel like an obligation to you - like I’m an appointment you have to struggle to keep rather than a husband you want to spend time with. When we are together, it’s wonderful Mara. But when we’re not it feels like you forget all about me.”  
  
“So you want me pining over you like some lovesick girl?” she scoffed, throwing him a sideways glance. “I’m sorry Luke, that’s not who I am, and to be frank I have more important things to concern myself with.”  
  
Luke sighed and rubbed his forehead, feeling that he was expressing himself poorly. He knew that she missed him when they were apart, but sometimes it seemed as if there was an imbalance in their relationship, that he was slightly more invested than she was.   
  
“I know,” he acknowledged. “I just feel as if I’m always the one reaching out, keeping in touch, making the sacrifices so we can be together.”  
  
“There’s that word sacrifice again,” Mara said, her voice as sharp as durasteel. He was about to respond, but he found the forest to their right end as they came to the edge of the river. Except it wasn’t so much the end as a sharp drop, the ground falling away into a steep cliff and the water cascading down its face forming a magnificent waterfall. From the high vantage point, he could see the forest below continue for many more kilometres, broken only by the wide river which cut through the centre. In the far distance, however, appeared to be some kind of settlement, most likely their destination. The problem was that it was located on the far side of the river below, which meant eventually they would have to cross it.   
  
Mara sighed and turned to face him again, perhaps seeing that she could no longer escape the conversation by walking away. The rain fell heavily around them, and in the distance there was the loud crack of thunder following a bolt of lightening which split the sky.   
  
“Anything else?” she asked, crossing her arms again and giving him a defiant look.   
  
Luke looked down at the ground, where his boots sunk softly into the red mud. He knew what else, but even in his mind it sounded petty.   
  
“You never tell me you love me.”  
  
“Don’t be ridiculous, Skywalker, of course I do.”  
  
“Well hardly ever then,” Luke corrected himself, lifting his gaze back up and refusing to back down. “And only when you’ve been drinking, or when we...” he gestured to illustrate his point.   
  
“Do you realise how stupid you sound?” Mara was incredulous. “You know how I feel.”  
  
She was right, and yet Luke could not deny he had his doubts sometimes. It was easy to find comfort in their bond, to explore the emotions that she would not voice aloud, to feel what she was feeling and remind himself of her love. Yet without that reassurance she seemed very distant, and Luke couldn’t help but remember his words to her not long after their engagement -  _I can’t help but feel you won’t be getting as much out of this as I will._  
  
“It’s nice to hear it, all that same.”  
  
Mara rolled her eyes. “Alright, I’ll add that to the Bad Wife list.”  
  
“You asked,” Luke accused her, but she waved a dismissive hand and walked towards the edge of the cliff, peeking over the side.   
  
“Careful, Mara,” he warned, eyeing the ground beneath her feet which didn’t look entirely solid.   
  
“It’s not too far down,” she ignored his warning. “Maybe ten metres.”  
  
But Luke wasn’t finished. “You wanted this conversation, Mara, you can’t just turn away when you don’t like what you hear.” He took a deep, harsh breath. "You're not honest with me," he added, and she visibly stiffened but did not turn. "You said you wanted to try for a baby." His voice shook with anger and pain as he let himself feel everything he'd kept repressed. "You're the one you suggested it, you're the one who stopped taking repress meds. But you were  _relieved_." His heart broke at the memory, at the utter betrayal he’d felt in that moment and continued to feel.  
  
“Why would I want a baby?” she asked as she turned around, her face stern and implacable. “They complain and nag, and require constant attention. I already have to deal with that from  _you_.”  
  
Her words were like a vibroblade to his heart, and he stepped back away from her. When he looked at her she was the Mara Jade he’d first known on Myrkr - unfeeling and more than willing to try and hurt him - to push him away because she didn’t know how else to deal with him.  
  
"You really are heartless sometimes Mara." His words were bitter and angry and could not be stopped.   
  
"Maybe I am," Mara took a step towards him, her fists clenched and her steely countenance melting into anger. "But you talk about making sacrifices. Does it occur to you that I’ve already sacrificed  _everything_  to be with you? I’m not talking about the  _Fire_ , that wasn’t about you - I’m talking about becoming a Jedi, resigning from my position as liaison with the Smuggler’s Alliance, phasing out work for Karrde, becoming your wife  _and_  a Jedi on top of that. Your life has barely changed at all, but mine has changed so much that sometimes I feel like I’m losing myself to it. Like everything that makes me who I am and the life that I’ve created for myself is being chipped away and replaced with yours.”  
  
She sighed harshly, wrapping her arms around herself and shivering the rain pelted down around them. “I gave up my ship that I saved every spare credit I had for  _years_  to buy, the only thing in this universe I could call completely my own, the vessel that gave me my independence, that proved how far I'd come. And what replaces it? A ship you bought for me like it was pocket change, that you designed so it would be ours. And I love it dearly, but it's not mine for all it bears my name. It's something of  _yours_ , only what you gave me, and doesn't that just sum up my future? Luke Skywalker’s wife, one of Luke Skywalker’s Jedi, and maybe one day the mother of Luke Skywalker’s children. What’s left for me that isn’t tied to you? What’s left of me at  _all_?”  
  
She turned away abruptly, and even without the Force Luke could sense her tears. His heart ached at her unhappiness, and yet he was utterly surprised by it. Why hadn’t he ever sensed her doubts before, if she felt this strongly? Perhaps there were depths of her mind and heart even he was yet to breach, and despite a few times when they had connected so deeply it had almost felt as if they were one body and spirit, it seemed they were yet to be completely joined.   
  
“You got everything you wanted,” she said with her back still to him, her voice thick with tears. “You’re a Jedi Master, your Academy is going well - the only thing missing was a wife and now you have that too. All I’ve asked you for is time, and that’s still not good enough.”  
  
“Mara…” Luke stepped forward and put his hand on her shoulder. He hadn’t realised that the gulf between them was still so wide, or that he’d been so blind to her feelings. Because of the bond they’d thought they knew everything about each other, when clearly there was so much more to discover and understand.   
  
“Do you ever...wonder if we got married too soon?” Mara echoed his thoughts. “Or that if that Force bond had never happened we would have gotten married at all?”  
  
"If you had the choice," Luke asked softly as he squeezed her shoulder, dreading the answer to come. "Do you wish it hadn't?"   
  
Mara was silent for a long time, and eventually Luke withdrew his hand and stepped back, unsure of what else to do. She sighed deeply, and leaned forward again and peered over the edge of the cliff.   
  
“We can climb down,” she said, her voice once again steady. “And swim cross the river.”  
  
Luke kept his distance from the edge, but the river was wide and he could see well enough that it would be difficult even for a strong swimmer. Mara, perhaps, could manage it easily, but it was not one of his skills, perhaps because he’d never seen a body of water large enough to immerse in until he was twenty years old. Nor did he have his Force abilities to augment his meager swimming, and he was already tired from the morning’s walk.   
  
“The water looks freezing,” he argued. “It’s safer to go around, and see if we can find a crossing. And be careful of that edge.” The ground beneath her feet shifted slightly, the rim of the cliff precarious and fragile.  
  
Mara turned to him again, and he couldn’t tell if her face was wet from the rain or from her own tears. Her expression was once again impassive, and Luke knew that she had withdrawn again, shut down all her emotions because they were too difficult to deal with. “Look, Skywalker,” she said shortly. “I know what I’m-”   
  
The ground gave way suddenly beneath her feet, and Luke lunged forward to catch her as she stumbled backwards and fell. But his grasping fingers met only cold air as Mara screamed and plunged into the icy waters below.


	4. Chapter 4

The water was cold, so bone-chillingly paralysing that for a moment Luke sank, the river coursing over his head.  His lungs burned with the urge to breathe but he knew that would mean the end.  He kicked out with his legs, searching for purchase on the river bed but the water was too deep and for a moment he flailed as panic gripped him.  The travelling pack strapped to his back did not help, the additional weight pulling him down further and Luke only had a second to weigh up whether to detach it.  It would make it easier to swim, but the pack contained blankets and their remaining rations - essential if they were to survive once they escaped the water’s deathly grip. 

He remembered that the Force was not required for focus, and so stilled for the briefest of moments, gathering his strength and reminding himself how how much was at stake.  There is no try was his internal mantra as he forced his legs to kick and his arms to stroke through the water above, driving him back up towards the surface.   

The air almost froze in his lungs as he breached, but Luke gulped it in anyway, focusing on keeping himself afloat.  On Yavin he’d once forced himself to tread water for three hours in an attempt to improve his swimming, but the placid jungle lakes were literally half a galaxy away from the strong current and coursing rapids he found himself in, and he felt the absence of the Force keenly.  But his concern was on Mara - whose still form he saw a few hundred metres downstream, snagged in a nest of reeds.  

Struggling just to keep his head above water, Luke forced his numbing limbs into a crude stroke towards her, trying not to recall the vivid memory of her back on Nirauan, face down in a pool of water.  When he reached her she was unconscious, and Luke pulled her into his arms, calling her name and cradling her head so she did not sink as he pulled her from the tangle of reeds.  One hand came away with a smear of blood across his fingers, and Luke guessed she must have hit her head in her fall from the cliff face above.  

Somehow, he found the strength to pull them both to the river bank and ashore, lying Mara on her back so he could check her more thoroughly.  It was still raining hard, and the bitterly cold wind made his wet and heavy clothes feel as if they were made from ice.  Mara’s head injury was a graze only, but the more pressing concern for both of them was hypothermia.  The trees would not provide much shelter, so Luke looked back to the red cliffs above, and the waterfall which coursed down from the ridge and into the river below.  Squinting in the sheets of heavy rain, he saw what looked like a cave behind the stream of water.

It was the only option, and Luke gathered Mara in his arms with some difficulty - his fingers had gone numb.  The pressure in his chest was made worse as he carried her back up the riverbank, her wet clothes making her heavy and his boots sinking into the red mud.  It was slow going, but Luke kept his eyes on the waterfall, knowing that it was their only hope of survival.

Getting to the cave required a somewhat precarious journey across the rocks at the mouth, and brief immersion in the waterfall’s stream, but given they were wet already it seemed of little consequence.  The cave itself was much larger than it had appeared from the outside, with a deep pool of water running back into the pitch black of the cave, and alongside that a smooth, flat expanse of rock wide enough to make camp.

Laying Mara gently down, Luke set to work building a fire close to the mouth of the cave.  Luckily their travelling packs were waterproof, so the kindling and fire-starters were still usable and the blankets relatively dry.  His numb fingers fumbled slightly in the work, but that only made Luke move faster, knowing time was of the essence.  The fire lit, Luke breathed a sigh of relief and turned back to Mara.  She was still unconscious and cold to the touch, although upon examination her head wound had stopped bleeding.

“Mara,” Luke sighed her name, patting her cheek lightly and hoping to rouse her.  When that did not work, he set about trying to get her warm, first laying one blanket down on the hard rock and then stripping off his own soaking clothes, followed by hers and then wrapping the second blanket firmly around them so they could share body heat.  She was shivering in her sleep, and Luke rubbed her upper arms vigorously to encourage blood flow and didn’t stop until her skin warmed.  

“Mara,” he whispered again as he lay them down and cradled her body against his, hoping to cocoon her with his life and warmth.  “Please wake up.”

* * *

_It was freezing - but Mara had never been particularly bothered by the cold.  She’d been raised in it, blanketed by its icy embrace for as long as she could remember.  In the Emperor’s presence it had always been cold, as if there was simply a void of heat and life around him - a black hole in the Force, sucking everything in until not even light could escape.  He’d fed her that same nothingness until it was all she knew how to survive on, to purge oneself of feeling from the inside out._

_There was comfort and familiarity to those cold depths.  It would be easy to stay in the dark, unexamined and unburdened - but there was light burning at the fringes of her consciousness.  It drew her attention away from the dark, and all she needed to do was more towards it._

_If she wanted to._

When Mara awoke the first thing she became aware of was strong arms enfolding her and her cheek pressed against a strong, firm chest. For a moment Mara nuzzled her face against it, seeking more of his warmth.  The last thing she remembered was losing her footing as the side of the cliff gave way under her, scraping against the rock as she fell and hitting the icy water.  

It wasn’t difficult to figure out what had happened after that - because she was safe, warm and in Luke’s embrace.  His arms tightened around her as she lifted her head to meet his penetrating blue gaze.  He touched her face almost reverently, as if making sure he was actually there and not some apparition or dream, and she reached back to him, cupping his cheek in her hand.  His day-old stubble scratched against the inside of her palm, and relief flooded through her.        

“Luke…”

But he cut her off, crushing his lips to hers in a bruising kiss and she responded eagerly, wrapping her arms around his neck and drawing him closer.  All of the harsh words they’d spoken to one another were forgotten; all that mattered was the warmth of his body pressed against hers and his warm tongue invading her mouth.  She could have died, Mara realised as she kissed him with frantic relief - Luke had saved her - she was alive, and with him, and she _wanted_ him.      

"Mara," he rasped as he kissed her face, her neck, her breasts. She felt him harden against her, and she arched into him, her hands massaging his back as he took an aching nipple into his mouth and sucked.

“Oh!” Mara cried out at the spike of pleasure that travelled swiftly down to her abdomen, where it blossomed into tiny tendrils of fire.  His lips tugged, licked and sucked her breast, pulling almost roughly on her nipple as she let out pitched cries of pleasure, her fingers running through his hair and urging him on.  His erection pressed against her hip as he shifted, his hand finding its way between her thighs and pressing firmly against her clit.  Mara bucked against him as he thrust two fingers inside her, not taking his usual time to gently caress and prepare her.  His fingers speared her expertly as he bit down on her breast and then sucked her skin so hard she could feel the blood vessels burst under his mouth, but the pleasure-pain of it all made her feel so alive.

“Luke,” she moaned, unable to articulate what she wanted.  “Luke…”

He seemed to get the message when she tugged upwards in his hair, his lips releasing her breast and his fingers withdrawing as she shifted up to cover her body with his own.  For a moment their eyes met, and his gaze was dark, lustful and wild, sending a shiver right down to her core.  

She brought his lips back to hers, guiding his hips to nestle between her thighs. Luke pushed into her with one firm stroke, and Mara called out his name and arched her back.  His hand cradled the back of her head before it slammed back against the hard ground, then angled her upwards to meet his lips in another bruising kiss.  He began to move inside of her in a frenetic rhythm, his hips bucking against hers as his tongue invaded her mouth, and Mara met his every stroke with wild abandon.     

He tore his lips from hers as he reached down to grasped her calves, pushing her legs up so her knees bent.  Mara pulled her legs upwards towards her chest and let him hold them in place, allowing him sinking deeper inside her as they let out moans of pleasure.  She felt adrenaline coarse through her veins as their sweat-slicked bodies joined together in a wild haze of passion.  The sound of the rain outside was drowned out by their skin slapping together in tandem with their cries of ecstasy.  

It was rough and frenzied, Luke slamming into her again and again as she lifted her hips up to meet him.  His mouth attacked hers in another wet kiss mimicking the movement of their bodies, and Mara clutched desperately at Luke’s back, her fingernails digging into his soft skin to bring him closer and urging him to go faster.  He obliged, tearing his lips away and pressing his entire chest against hers,his hands falling from her thighs to cradle her to him and thrust so hard and so deep Mara felt electricity ripple through her veins.  She clutched him close, her cheek pressed against his bicep, feeling the muscle beneath tensing with every thrust.

Mara felt as if she was splintering inside as the pleasure and pressure became too much.  She tensed around him and then shattered, letting out an uninhibited scream of pleasure and relief and Luke shuddered above her.  He called her name hoarsely as he thrust to completion, his arms tight around her and his face buried in her neck.  

Then he released her, breaking their bodies apart and rolling onto his back, studiously avoiding looking at her.  They lay breathless beside each one another for a few long moments, not quite touching.  Mara took the opportunity to look around and saw that they were in a cave of some kind, light from a fire dancing across the red rock above them.  The memories of their earlier argument came flooding back, and Mara knew she had to break the silence.      

“I didn’t mean it, you know,” she said, still breathing heavily.  Luke looked over at her, so she clarified, “when I said all you did was complain.”

Luke looked back up at the roof of the cave.  “I know.”

It was strange - they had just connected in the most primal way possible, and yet as their desire for one another had been sated they were once again awkward and unsure.  Sitting up and resting back on her hands, Mara looked around at the cave - the fire burning brightly by the entrance and their clothes drying nearby.  She stood, and Luke held out the blanket to her but Mara waved his hand away - she was comfortably warm, and had never really been abashed by nudity.  Years of having to keep cover in barely-there dancing costumes had long since eliminated any modesty she might once have felt.  What was her body but a vessel - skin covering flesh and blood and bone that signified nothing - it was her mind and heart she preferred to keep concealed.     

Their clothes were still slightly damp, so Mara turned them over to dry the other side, and as she looked out through the spray of the waterfall she saw it was still raining heavily.  “I guess we’re not leaving anytime soon.”  She looked back at Luke, now sitting cross-legged with the blanket around his shoulders.

“Even if it wasn’t I’d advise against it,” he said evenly, and Mara noted the change in language from their earlier argument.  “You had quite a fall.”    

She couldn’t deny that, feeling the sore spot on the back of her head where her hair was matted with dried blood.  A superficial graze, but hardly one which could be ignored, especially after she’d almost frozen to death in the river.  Returning to where Luke sat, Mara knelt in front of him, clasping her hands on her lap.      

“So I guess we have time to talk.”

Luke avoided her gaze.  “Do you want to?”

Mara sighed, thinking back to the painful words they’d spoken to one another on the cliff.  “I think we should.”

“Well, I suppose I should apologise,” Luke started, playing absently with the hem of the blanket.  “I never realised how you felt - about losing yourself.”

Mara put a hand on his knee.  “How could you, when I never said anything?”  She remembered her earlier anger at him which had prompted her to lash out, but now it seemed that had dissipated, leaving only a dull ache of sadness.  “When I hardly knew myself?”

“Still, through our bond,” Luke looked back at her, frowning.  “I should have picked up on it.”

“No, you shouldn’t,” Mara shook her head.  “I think that was our problem - we used the bond as a crutch.  I expected you to know how I felt rather than simply talking to you - you were right, I wasn’t honest.”  She took a deep breath and squeezed his knee again.  “I was relieved,” she told him.  “When I saw the negative pregnancy test.  I’m sure you’ve concocted all sorts of terrible reasons why, but did you wonder whether my reaction surprised me as much as it did you?”  

It was clear from his reaction that he hadn’t, and his hand shifted to cover hers on his knee, their fingers intertwining.  Mara sighed and lay back down on the blanket, tugging on his hand and urging him to spoon behind her.  He wrapped the other blanket around them both and held her tightly around the waist, his chin tucked over her shoulder.  

“Maybe I just wasn’t ready,” she told him, finding the words easier to say without his gaze penetrating her.  “I left it up to chance, and I wasn’t prepared for the reality of it - of how I would feel either way.”

“I thought you might have…” Luke trailed of and sighed, so she squeezed his hand in encouragement.  “I thought perhaps you did it for me - because you knew it was what I wanted.  Another sacrifice you had to make.”  His words were bitter, and yet this time they were directed at himself.  

She turned around in his arms, cupping his face in her hands and brushing away the tears that had formed.  “No,” she told him emphatically.  “I did it because I thought it was what I wanted too.”

“And what do you want now?”

Mara bit her lip, giving the question due thought.  “I’m not sure,” she answered truthfully.  “Who knows how I would have reacted if the test had come up positive?  I might have been overjoyed.”

Luke pushed her hair back behind her ear, caressing her head softly.  “You had a point you know,” he told her.  “About my less than stellar track record with women.”

“I didn’t mean that didn’t care for them, Luke.”  She wanted to be clear on that.  “But you do have a bit of a saviour complex.”

Luke smiled and ducked his head, abashed.  “Acknowledged,” he said.  “But you were wrong, about me wanting to save you - I want you to be a Jedi because I believe you would be a great asset to the Order, but I would accept it if you decided it wasn’t the path for you.”  

“Would you?” Mara was curious - how many times over the years had he urged her to embrace her Force powers?  Being married to him without being a Jedi would surely only mean he would have pressed her harder.     

"Mara, you must know that all I want is your happiness,” he said, stroking her hair.  “And if being a Jedi...or being married to me doesn't make you happy, well..."

"Well what?"

Luke swallowed heavily.  "You tell me."

“You do make me happy,” he told him, rubbing his arm lightly.  “And if I commit myself to being a Jedi I should go all in - I’m not sure I’m ready to do that yet.  That’s why I wanted to transition slowly, even if that meant not spending as much time with you as I should.”

"I know how much you've sacrificed” Luke said softly, his thumb caressing her cheek.  “And I wish I could offer you the same in return."

A old, crazy thought struck Mara, one that had appeared in some of her wilder daydreams.  "Would you leave the Order if I asked you to?"

Luke took a long time before answering, rolling onto his back and staring up at the roof of the cave.  "If the circumstances were different - maybe,” he said eventually.  “But I was tasked with rebuilding the Jedi, and my work is not yet complete. I can't leave it unfinished, even at the cost of my own happiness."

"I know," Mara acknowledged softly, shifting close to him and propping up her chin with one hand. "I don't think you'd be the man I fell for if you did."

"I could...take a sabbatical," he suggested, turning to her again. "Put off training a new class for a few months, and instead spend the time with you.  Maybe that’s what I should have done after we got married."

Mara stroked his chest absently, tracing the light fractal scars that were his souvenir from his encounter with the Emperor.  “Maybe,” she said.  “Or maybe I should have made a clean break and joined you on Yavin.”

“Or, like you said - we shouldn’t have gotten married so soon.”  Luke’s gaze was downcast, clearly troubled.

“What do you think would have happened?” she asked.  “If the bond hadn’t formed?”

“To be honest, I wouldn’t have proposed,” he looked up and smiled wryly.  “But...I think, I _hope_ I would have at least accepted my feelings for you, and dismissed my fears.  Maybe I would have asked you out on a date.”

Mara laughed.  “That seems so...normal.  Hardly in character for either of us.”

“I guess not,” Luke said, a wide grin splitting his face.  He tickled Mara’s sides and her laughter increased, batting at his hands and losing her balance, falling onto his chest.  He held her there and continued his onslaught, their combined laughter echoing down through the cave.    


	5. Chapter 5

Night fell on Kaurna and the rain was still falling heavily, delaying their journey for another day.  Mara wasn’t disappointed, despite her previous desire to get to the village as soon as possible.  She had settled herself against the wall of the cave, drawing the blanket closer around her shoulders as Luke explored cavernous darkness beyond with a glowrod in hand.  He’d found a series of cave paintings depicting the serpent of Kaurna legend, and had suggested that their cave was perhaps a holy site.   

Trusting that there was nothing to be found except perhaps a stray bat, Mara had stayed behind, but she found her thoughts wandering and so distracted herself by reading through The Jedi Path - the manual Luke had brought with him for study.  He’d accused her of not taking her status as a Jedi seriously, and Mara could not deny he had a point.  He’d tried to compromise - offering to take time away from the Academy to spend with her, and it seemed only fair and she stop avoiding the Jedi issue.    

Still, she stared at the scrawled red name of Darth Sidious inside the cover for a full five minutes before she had the courage to turn the first page.  She made a point not to read the notes Palpatine had scrawled in the margins, instead confining herself to Luke's own commentary and occasionally that of the other Jedi who had owned the book.

Although many of the passages made Mara roll her eyes, the hubris and self-importance of the old Jedi clear, her attention lingered on the chapter regarding the Trials undertaken to become a Jedi Knight.  The Trials of Skill, Insight and Courage she was sure she’d mastered in her life, and the Trail of the Flesh, directed to giving up a close bond, Mara knew she’d done twice over.  But she read over the passage regarding the Trial of Spirit several times, absorbing the words about battling one’s own mind and putting aside desires and temptations in service of a greater good.  

 _I do not know the fears coiled in your heart_ , she read, _once you accept that grief, shame revenge and all other emotions that centre on the self have no hold on you, you will emerge victorious._   

She’d once thought she’d conquered her vengeful thoughts when she decided not to kill Luke and fulfil the Emperor’s last command - but could it really be characterised as such?  She hadn’t forgiven Luke for his alleged crimes and decided not to avenge the Emperor.  She had been proved wrong, as Luke had shown he had done nothing which deserved an assassin’s justice.  Mara knew in her heart that she had not faced such a challenge- and so perhaps she was not a true Jedi yet.  For all that Luke had proclaimed her one, perhaps she still had doubts, and that was the reason she was reluctant to embrace knighthood.  

The soft patter of bare feet against the stone floor interrupted her thoughts, and Mara looked up to see Luke returning.

“No serpent ghosts, I hope?” she teased him.

Luke laughed good-naturedly, walking over to the fire and warming his hands.  “No, but I did find some glowworms.”

“How interesting,” Mara said dryly.

"There was something else - the rock back there is made of cortosis," he told her, a smug smile on his face. "It looks like the caves are full of it."

"So your theory is right?" Mara asked, but Luke only gave her a shrug.

"Perhaps.”  He turned back to the fire and suddenly seemed very interested in the backs of his hands.  "That should make Karrde happy at least - the stuff is worth a fortune.  If you can convince the Kaurnans to let you mine here, of course."

Mara frowned - it would be a coup for the organisation, but the thought troubled her. "But surely you don't want material resistant to lightsabers and potential able to block the Force disseminated to the highest bidder."

"No," he agreed. "But I would never ask you to forgo such a lucrative business opportunity."

Mara did not respond, letting the point drop to be pondered over later.  Instead, she was distracted by the sight of Luke removing his tunic.  “What are you doing?”

“Taking a bath,” he answered as he unbuttoned his trousers and kicked them off.  “I still smell like river slime.”  Retrieving a bar of soap from the survival kit, he walked to the dark pool of water running through the cave.  Strangely enough despite the roar of the waterfall and the storm outside the water was still, until Luke gingerly lowered himself into it and rippled the surface.  

Mara winced.  “Isn’t that cold?”

“No,” he grinned, splashing around a bit.  “It’s quite nice actually - I think there’s hot springs underneath this cave.”

Mara watched him for a little while, feeling her heart bloom for her husband who took such joy in the simplicities of life.  He’d made several notes in the margins of The Jedi Path, and as she had read through the book Mara found herself tracing the words gently.  They were written in a simplistic, almost crude hand, utilising block capitals and sharing his thoughts freely.  Some observations made her smile - like Luke wondering whether he would have been part of the Jedi Starfighter Corp if he’d been a member of the Old Order.  Others made her proud, as he’d underlined the words about shunning emotional commitment with the notation that membership would be voluntary, with no child taken from their homes or encouraged to break ties with their family.

But her attention kept coming back to one scrawl in particular.   _I don’t believe in banishing attachment_ , he’d written.   _I can’t imagine my life without Mara, Leia or Han._

He’d put her first.  Despite the close, unbreakable bonds he had with his sister and his best friend of almost twenty years, Mara had been the one he’d thought of first when writing who he couldn’t live without.  Could she say the same?  She’d clung to the idea that her life with Luke as a Jedi would be taking her away from everything she’d achieved, but what had been so great about her life before?  She’d been content, certainly, but had she been happy?  Mara looked over at Luke in the water, the man who’d had such a profound impact on her life, that had shown her kindness, then friendship, then love.  The times they’d actually been together this past year had been some of the happiest of her life, and to think she was pulling away from him, that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to fully embrace that life seemed ridiculous.

What was she waiting for?  Another Force-bond, another sign that gave her no other choice?

No.  That had been her error - she hadn’t told him she wanted to start a family with him, she’d suggested they stop taking precautions and see what happened.  Mara had deferred making a decision by taking it out of her own hands - leaving it to the will of the Force or some silly fertility ritual.  Therefore if she did have a child she would force herself to adjust without ever needing to address whether it was what she wanted.  Because she feared that if you wanted something too much, you only set yourself up for disappointment and heartbreak.  

It had been her pattern for some time - she hadn’t sought out Luke despite the last command from the Emperor - he’d dropped right in her lap.  She hadn’t stuck around at the Jedi Academy despite the gaps in her knowledge, she had waited for Knighthood to come to her.  Even with her marriage, she hadn’t let Luke know of her changing feelings for him even though she’d had every opportunity to do so.  She’d done nothing, and it had taken the Force bond to bring them together.

Her life had been made up of fail safes and the abdication of responsibility.  It was how she’d been raised, and how she’d survived.  It had kept her safe, but Mara realised that it wasn’t enough to be comfortable any more - it wasn’t enough to guard her heart and always expect the hard choices to be taken away from her.

She needed to decide what she wanted - and pursue it without regret.  

* * *

Luke was halfway through bathing himself when the waist-deep water around him rippled, and he turned to see Mara beside him.  She remained the only person who could sneak up on him, and most of the time Luke enjoyed the surprise.  He opened his mouth to speak, but Mara moved in front of him, pressing her fingers against his lips and requesting his silence.  

Without a word, she took the soap from him and rubbed it between her hands to create a thick lather.  Then she set about the task of washing him, running her soapy hands over his shoulders and chest, working it into his hair and massaging his scalp.  Her touch was chaste, but all the same her diligent fingers trailed a blaze over his skin, invigorating and relaxing him at the same time.  He couldn’t help but feel a jolt of desire as she carefully washed his manhood, her lips quirking into a small as he began to harden in her hands.  But he clamped down on his arousal, knowing that the moment wasn’t about sex - at least not yet.         

Once she was done she put her arms around him and urged him to dip under the water with her, rinsing off the soap.  While immersed he held his breath and allowed her to run her hands through his hair to siphon off the suds; the sensation so different from his frantic swim in the river outside. Then he had been all panic, pulled down by the weight of the water which had stolen the air from his lungs.  But this time Mara pressed her lips to his, and for a moment they shared the same breath as her arms encased him tightly.  

When they breached the surface Luke felt revived, not willing to let her go.  Her hair was dripping wet, falling around her like a shroud, but her face was alive and full.  After a few moments of silence, Mara took his face in her hands and stared deeply into his eyes.  

“I do love you, Luke” she told him softly, the firelight dancing in her eyes.  “I didn’t agree to marry you because of our bond in the Force, but because I want you - every part of you.  If we were stuck on this Force-forsaken planet for the rest of our lives, I’d still want you.  Because…”  She took a deep breath, visibly steeling herself.  “Because I can’t imagine my life without you.”  

Luke pulled her to him, his heart leaping for joy to hear those words - finally - from her.  She kissed him full on the mouth, her warm lips sliding against his own and he knew this time it was a not a kiss fuelled by desire alone.  It was her reaching out to him, showing him with her body what she had just told him with her speech.  When they broke apart Mara was smiling, and even though he could not feel her joy he saw it on her face.  

Taking the soap from her, he massaged it between his hands and then washed her as she had done for him, rubbing the lather over her shoulders, breasts and stomach. Her nipples hardened at the contact, and he lingered there briefly, rubbing his thumbs slowly over her soft peaks. It was so intimate, to explore her body this way, and she let out a soft sigh as he washed her thighs and the place between her legs under the water. Then he urged her to turn around so he could clean her hair, cleaning away the dried blood and softly massaging her scalp.

Her breathing became laboured, and Luke could see that she was deeply aroused. It was strange, being unable to feel it through their bond, but this way he was able to pay close attention to the reactions of her body.  He brought her down to the water with him, rinsing the soap from her hair and rhythmically rubbing his fingers against her scalp.  She gave a deep sigh, her head falling back against his shoulder as he massaged the tender spot where the rock had grazed her scalp. The river bed was soft where they knelt, the warm water rippling around their shoulders.  Luke pressed his chest to her back and began to kiss her neck, rewarded by another deep sigh.  

"Luke," she breathed, and pressed her head back against his shoulder again. "Please."

He obliged her, cupping her breast under the water and squeezing her hardened nipple as he ground his erection against her bottom. She pushed back into him, making him moan at the increase contact and this time he did not clamp down on his desire.  

He caressed her nipple again. "Do you like that?" he whispered in her ear.

"Yes," she moaned as his other hand moved over her flat stomach, dipping down to the apex of her thighs and urging them apart.

"Tell me what you like, Mara," he demanded, searching through her folds to find her clit. Usually, he could feel her desire spike through their bond when he did so, but now he had to rely on touch and sound alone.

"Right there," Mara said breathlessly. "Right...oh..."

He rubbed the small nub firmly with two fingers, sliding easily over her desire in the warm water. Luke kissed her neck again, sucking lightly on her soft skin and was rewarded by her sharp intake of breath. She pushed back against him, rocking her hips which served the dual purpose of rubbing herself against his fingers and his hardness. The sensation of her pressed against him made Luke lose focus momentarily, but he quickly resolved not to let her set the pace.

His arms held her firm, one hand firmly cupping her breast and the other buried between her thighs, his forearm pressed against her stomach and holding her tightly against him.

"Don't be so eager, my love," he whispered in her ear as he gently squeezed her breast. "We have time."

Mara huffed, squirming under his hold and trying to rub against his fingers again.  "I thought you wanted to know what I like?" she challenged him. "I like it fast - and hard."

Luke chuckled, and gently massaged her nub. "I know," he acknowledged. "But don't you like this?"  His fingers moved slowly against her in an even pace, drawing out her desire.

Mara swallowed heavily.  "Yes."  She lifted one hand and reached out for him, finding his cheek and gently tracing her knuckles over his face.  “Yes, I like that, as long as you don’t stop.”

He smiled in response and increased the pace of his touch only slightly, reaching down further to tease his fingers against her opening, then bringing them back in even strokes over her clit.  He was fascinated by her hitched breaths, by the way she leaned back into him, by the small movement of her hips that met the pace of his fingers.  Her hand on his cheek moved further back to grasp his neck, and he obliged her by kissing her shoulder again, drawing the smooth skin into his mouth and sucking gently, her gasp like music to his ears.     

She began to tremble in his arms, and even without the Force Luke could sense she was close. He stopped his ministrations and instead embraced her, pressing his cheek against her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her waist.   

Mara huffed in disappointment.  “I don’t like _that_ ,” she said hotly, wriggling in his arms.

“Don’t worry,” he growled.  "I'm not finished with you yet.”  Still holding her in his arms Luke stood, urging her to turn around and face him. Her eyes were lidded and dark with desire, and her lips were parted in a most enticing way. Luke kissed her and Mara responded eagerly, her hands clutching at his face as if she wanted to devour him. He gently pushed her back through the water to the edge where the rock was polished smooth, and Luke lifted her up to sit on the stone ledge, spreading her legs.

"Here?" he asked, keeping his eyes on her face so she could study the intricacies of her reactions. His fingers found her nub with practiced ease, rubbing it again gently.

"Yes," she breathed, her cheek twitching.  "But also..."

"Ah," Luke smiled to himself, his touch dipping lower to trace her entrance. "Here."

"Not quite," Mara admonished him, her hips shifting forward, seeking more intimate contact.

"Do you want me to touch you here, Mara?"  Luke's fingers spread her damp heat, teasing her with light touches.

"Yes," she groaned a little impatiently. "With your fingers."

Luke obliged, pushing two fingers inside of her and making her cry out. "Like this?"

"Deeper," she commanded, and Luke complied. Mara gasped and threw her head back, offering up her breasts which Luke kissed, drawing one nipple into his mouth and sucking gently. "Now curl your fingers," Mara said breathlessly, pressing against him, guiding his touch to where she wanted him the most.  He lifted his head again to watch her, eyes squeezed tightly shut and lips parted, a crinkle forming between her eyes telling him where she liked him to touch her.

"Oh yes, there!" she cried when he hit the right spot inside of her, lips quivering. Luke rubbed the tips of his fingers in circular motions around the spot, Mara's gasps and pleas all he needed to know that she was once again on the edge.  Her hands clutched at his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin almost painfully as she urged him on, her hips undulating in a rhythm with the movement of his fingers inside of her.  Luke quickened his pace, his gaze fixed on his beautiful wife, her back arched and head thrown back, her face contorted in pleasure, the rise and fall of her breasts as she panted, the movement of her mouth as her lips formed his name.

Her entire body quivered and shook as she came, letting out a final cry as she collapsed forward against him.  Luke embraced her, his hand moving through her damp hair before gently caressing her back and holding her through the aftermath. He was still painfully hard, but he found that it was almost easier to keep control of himself without the Force - any other time he would have felt her orgasm through their bond, flooding his own desire, but this time he had been able to enjoy watching her brought to the brink by him and nothing else.

Mara sighed happily, her cheek pressed against his shoulder and her hands idly caressing his back. Then her hands dipped to squeeze his buttocks, making his cock twitch. Luke sighed, relishing his wife's hands gentle strokes down his thighs before drifting between them and taking his aching hardness in her hands.

"I like this too," she murmured as she stroked him firmly and Luke groaned, grinding himself into her.  He found it was no less pleasurable than when they were connected through the Force, and if anything it meant he could focus on his body alone, and what she was doing to him.  Which was caressing him with such care and expertise that he couldn’t help but buck his hips into her hands, letting out a long moan when she traced the tip of his cock with her thumb.

“Mara,” he breathed, and reached for her again, caressing her thighs with firm strokes and urging her on.    

“Touch me again,” she whispered in his ear, her hands moving up to stroke his stomach and chest.  Luke didn’t hesitate, massaging her gently until he could see and feel she was ready once more.  Then he brought Mara back down into the water with him and then urged her to turn around, guiding her hands to rest back on the rocky ledge at waist height.  The water was shallower near the edge, lapping around their thighs so it did not impede his access, and he drew her into his embrace.   Pressing his chest to her back Luke caressed her again, his cock twitching almost painfully as it rubbed against her perk bottom.  He urged her legs further apart so he could position himself, poised at her entrance.

"Oh please, Luke," she begged, trembling in his arms.

"Tell me what you want," he demanded hotly into her ear.

"You, inside of me," she answered, pushing her rear into him and leaning forward slightly.  "Now."

Luke didn't need any further encouragement, grasping her hips and guiding himself into her wet heat.  It felt like coming home, the sensation so intense that for a moment he rested his forehead against her back, composing himself before thrusting himself deep inside of her.

"You feel so good, Mara," he grunted in her ear as he rocked his hips in a steady rhythm. "You always feel so good."

"Oh!" Mara cried out. "Luke...”

“Hard and fast,” he rasped as his grip on her hips tightened and his thrusts increased in pace.  “As requested.”

Mara didn’t answer, her breathing shallow and quick as her shoulders tensed and she tilted forward again, allowing him to sink deeper.  Luke grunted and closed his eyes, her tight walls clamping around him, the fire in his belly growing out of control with each thrust.  But he was acutely aware that they should wait until they could return to civilisation so Mara could resume taking her repress meds.  The moment by the fire had been unavoidable, and again Luke felt his desire start to run away with his reason.  

Trembling around him, Mara let out a keening cry of release.  The familiar tightening signalled how close to the edge he was, his desire overflowing as he toppled over the pinnacle of his pleasure.  At the last moment Luke pulled out of her, his seed spilling harmlessly into the water.  

He sighed with relief, and soon felt Mara’s warm hands on his cheeks.  Luke opened his eyes to stare into his wife’s, overcome with love for the woman before him.  Mara smiled and kissed him; a gentle, soft kiss that lasted a long time.  Neither spoke, but they both sank back into the river, paddling gently into the deeper water.   

Luke encouraged her to swim with him back into the cave to the place he’d discovered earlier, where thousands of glowworms lived in the rock above.  They were luminescent, glowing a bright blue and almost giving the appearance of stars in a dark endless sky.  It was as if the entire universe was with them in the cave, and they were the only ones in it - that each other was all that mattered.

“It’s beautiful,” Mara breathed as she looked up, a wondrous smile on her face lit up by the blue glow above.  Luke looked at her and could not disagree, drawing her into his arms again and kissing her deeply.  The water was dark and deep here, but Luke found it easy to float, as if the river itself was keeping him up.  They lay on their backs with joined hands, floating through the still cave and watching the brilliance of nature above them.  It was calm and beautiful, and Luke felt as if a great weight had been lifted from his heart, although it was no less full.  

Eventually they came together again, holding each other in their arms, their skin pressed exquisitely together as if they were one being, sharing a single body of intertwined limbs and hearts.

"Tell me what you want this time," Mara whispered, her face lit up by the blue glow above.   

"You," Luke whispered as he pulled her close. "Just you, Mara."

They were slow and gentle, taking their time to caress and hold each other in the water.  Their kisses were deep and long, Mara’s arms wrapping around Luke’s neck as they shared the same breaths.  He ran his tongue along her collarbone, the taste of her skin almost salty.  She massaged his shoulders and kissed the cleft of his chin, telling him all her favourite parts and demonstrating how much she liked them with gentle caresses.  They found each other again in those glowing waters, knowing that there would still be dark days, and they was much they still needed to reconcile.  But suspended in the beauty that surrounded them, Luke and Mara both knew that whatever else they had each other, and neither was willing to let go.

Always the roof of the cave was alight with the glow of a thousand blue lights, and it was strange but it made Luke feel so very alive and connected with Mara, with the magic of the moment.  When she wrapped her legs around his waist and sank down onto his aching hardness, Luke whispered her name reverently.  She began to rock against him, and Luke found her lips again, kissing her fully and deeply, his hands grasping her bottom and urging her on.

Their union was paced with soft, even movements, their desire drawn out so when they approached the pinnacle again it was all the sweeter.  Luke tried to pull away before he reached the top, but Mara’s determined gaze met his.      

"No," she told him firmly, her arms tightening around his neck and her strong legs refusing to let him go.  "I want you to come inside of me.”

He was too far gone to argue to care about the potential consequences, allowing himself to be carried away with the glory of release.  His grip around her tightening again as his gaze lifted to the blue glowing roof above where a thousand lights danced before his eyes, shimmering in the darkness.  All he could feel was Mara around him, her arms, her legs, her body pressed against his; encasing him, cocooning him in their shared culmination.


	6. Chapter 6

Luke was sleeping peacefully, the silence of the cave only occasionally punctuated by his soft snore. Mara had gotten used to the sound although she was not completely acclimatised, so occasionally it would rouse her from sleep and prevent her from finding it again. Perhaps she just needed more time sleeping beside him, until the sound of his light snoring was so comfortable and familiar it would form a vital part of her own rest. But for now it kept her awake, the grey light filtering in through the mouth of the cave indicating it was close to dawn anyway.

Deciding to be productive, Mara rose and began to pack their small camp, a brief glimpse outside indicating the storm had passed. She extinguished the last embers of their fire and returned all of their items to their travelling packs. Except the blankets, of course, since they were still coiled around Luke, oblivious to everything around him. She envied the deep rest he could find, untroubled by the dark memories and regrets that plagued her sleep.

She was loathe to wake him when he seemed to peaceful, so Mara turned her attention to the primitive paintings which adorned the wall of the cave. It was more out of boredom than anything else - she'd read The Jedi Path cover to cover and there was nothing else to occupy her until Luke woke up.

The paintings occupied much of the cave wall, obviously drawn by hand in a chalky paste likely made from the red ochre, yellow flowers, black charcoal and the white cliffs she'd seen on their trek. Represented on the wall were several figures of humanoid form, although they had long limbs, ghostly white faces and large black eyes. They almost resembled Givins, although their mouths were not downturned and their craniums, at least in the paintings, were much larger, their skin smooth and plump rather than skeletal.

There was also a large painting that seemed to be comprised entirely of small dots forming an overall image of a colourful serpent winding through various landscapes - a dense forest, a great lake and a rocky outcrop. At the creature's head and tail there were the same images only inversed; a dark black expanse on one side of the serpent, and white on the other.

Luke had theorised that it represented night and day, with the serpent bringing the dawn and then the night again, hence the inversion of black and white at the head and tail. But looking at the images again, Mara wondered whether it meant something else entirely. Lightly, she ran her hand over the path of the serpent, although she was careful not to disturb the painting itself. Black and white, at the beginning and the end - never one without the other.

There was something calling to her - something familiar. Mara felt it at the edges of her mind, where the Force would usually be, except this feeling was cold, sending a shiver down her spine. And yet it was seductive, urging her to go deeper into the cave and discover the source.

Throwing a glance at Luke's sleeping firm, Mara crept past him into the bowels of the cave which led deep into its rocky heart. She walked out of sight of their camp and daylight, past the cortosis deposits in the walls and the glowworm grotto, the bright blue insects still shimmering above. She pressed on heedless of the darkness, keeping one hand on the cave wall to guide herself through the pitch black.

She couldn't feel the Force, and yet there was that cold absence in her heart she had come to associate with one person in particular. The breath that froze in Mara's throat had little to do with the chill in the air and everything to do with terrible, dawning recognition.

"Mara, my dear," a bone-chilling voice seemed to reverberate through her. "I have been waiting for you."

It was impossible, and yet there he was, out there in the dark and within herself still. She could not see him, but that voice was forever imprinted in her mind, and although his last command had vanished, his voice would always remain. Emperor Palpatine.

"There was a time," the Emperor spoke as if his voice was seeping from the cave walls themselves. "When you would have knelt at the sound of my voice."

"It is easy to make a child kneel," she said back into the darkness, even though her voice shook. "And I am a child no longer."

The Emperor laughed, a chilling sound which had always made her shiver, even when she had adored him. "Yet you still kneel, my dear. Your body may be upright, but in your heart you still bow - do not have sorrow for this, Mara. It is your purpose."

"No," she shook her head. "I am my own, now. Not yours - never yours again."

"Alas, that is true," the Emperor said, and Mara felt cold hands on her shoulders. "At least the latter. You are not mine my dear, because you are another's now. You are Skywalker's."

She tried to shake off the ghostly grip, but he held her firm, forcing to peer into the darkness. There was someone ahead of her in the cave, a shimmering spectre coming sharply into focus. Mara tried again to turn and run, but was still held captive by the Emperor's strong grip, although when she clawed at her shoulders she could feel nothing. Taking a deep breath, Mara looked upon the vision again, accepting it was something she had to see.

She saw herself standing there, and yet the figure was so drastically altered Mara couldn't really describe it as herself at all. The apparition was clad in Jedi robes, that itchy homespun Mara had seen depicted as the uniform of the Old Republic Jedi, and Luke himself wore on occasion. Mara scratched her arm absently, as if she was wearing the robes herself. Her mirror was older, hair slightly streaked with grey and wrinkles creasing around her eyes and mouth. In her hand he carried the lightsaber of Anakin Skywalker, but she wore no blaster holster. 

In the distance she saw an image of Luke appear, similarly attired and aged, surrounded by blonde children of varying ages, themselves all wearing Jedi robes and wielding lightsabers. Was it the future she was seeing? It seemed impossible, since the Force was still absent and she'd never heard of such a vision appearing without it.

The Mara before her was what she could become, the Mara she feared - the perfect Jedi, with her Jedi husband and Jedi children. Utterly indistinct and generic - like the Jedi of old.

"You see, don't you?" the Emperor voiced her thoughts, his cold breath in her ear. "You see there is no Jade left in you. He made you one of them; drilled away your sharp edges and dampened your fire until it burned down into something he could control."

The mirror of herself looked at Mara with dull green eyes, emphasising the Emperor's words. Mara forced herself to stare back, but soon her gaze drifted back to Luke, who looked so happy among the children he'd raised in his own image.

"You are all Skywalker now," the Emperor rasped. "He made a dynasty from you."

Mara knew it was not Palpatine speaking - he was dust, and his spirit had been too corrupted to find continued life in the Force. No, it was the fears coiled inside her own heart that that conjured this apparition, a Trial of Spirit as The Jedi Path had spoken of. She had accepted her love for Luke, and committed himself to sharing her life with him, but now she needed to commit to being a Jedi.

Or did she?

Mara had served for so long, and her duty had caused so much suffering she was reluctant to put herself back in that position. Even if it was the service to the light, it seemed too much to give up, especially if the result was the woman before her, her own identity supplanted by that of her husband and children. Being with Luke and being a Jedi were not necessarily a package deal, they could still make their marriage work if she remained with Karrde's organisation. It would be difficult, but with everything they'd talked through the previous day and night she knew he would do it if she asked.

And yet, hadn't it felt so good when she'd put aside personal her personal feelings and helped someone? When she'd decided to try and save Leia's infant twins, because she felt that no child should be taken from their parents as she had been? All those times she'd been drawn into conflicts where the logical choice would have been to cut and run - the mess with Darksaber and the Corellian crisis. Her friendship with Kyle Katarn and pulling him back from the dark side. Even back when she'd been on the run from Isard and come across Ghent for the first time, she'd put her own safety at risk to help him. None of those choices had been because of Luke, either.

Mara looked again at the apparition, her fear easing. It was not her future self she was seeing, because nothing was set and everything could be altered. A few tweaks to the vision - more stylish clothes replacing the Jedi robes and perhaps not quite so many children - and it didn't frighten her so much. Becoming a Jedi didn't mean she would lose herself, she would bring herself to it.

She was both Jade and Skywalker - bitterness and light. Luke had poured himself into her, irrevocably changing her, and yet she'd given the same to him: he was part Jade now too. Any child of theirs would be equal parts of them both, and something unique and entirely new. Mara found that the thought thrilled her, to have a child that was not only the pure expression of the love she and Luke shared, but that she could pour her life force into, protect and teach and learn from. The gift she could give a child was the life she'd never had.

Mara felt a warmth spread from her heart all the way to her limbs, banishing the cold and fear that had settled upon her. The Emperor's grip on her shoulders disappeared, and she could stand up straight again. And yet voice was still there, hissing in her ear.

"You cannot trust him, my dear." His words were angry now, the last spitting remnants of her own fear that was slowly dying. "Didn't I teach you that? In the end everyone will betray you, and hurt you, and leave you."

Mara rolled her eyes. "Kriff off, Sheev."

And just like that, he was gone. A sob of relief escaped her lips and she was finally alone in her own mind, all doubts and fears banished. The spectre of her former master no longer blighted her heart; she was free.

Mara almost ran back to the mouth of the cave, where she found Luke still asleep. A smile graced her lips as she stripped off her clothes, slipping in under the blankets beside him. Luke was usually the first to wake, but perhaps she'd exhausted him the previous night. Mara snuggled closer to him, warming his cold skin with her own and resolving to exhaust him again. Gently, she traced his face, committing every dip and kind to memory, from the cleft in his chin to the enticing way his blonde hair fell across his forehead.

Luke sighed her name and shifted, eyes fluttering open as he was pulled away from sleep. "Is it time to go?" he asked.

"Soon," she told him, not quite ready to depart their little enclave. She leaned in close to kiss his lips slowly and languidly, and he reached up to stroke the side of her face. His touch was gentle and welcome that Mara sighed into his mouth, and while at another time she would have reached out to him through their bond, given it was absent she simply kissed him more deeply. The lingers ghost of the Emperor faded, his words meaningless and false - what was real was Luke, his love for her. Before, she had feared losing herself but now Mara trusted that if she gave herself to him, he would never take too much.

Her hand traced a sinuous path down his chest, fingers lightly tickling the firm skin of his stomach and then dipping further to stroke him. He hardened quickly in her hand and just the feel of him made heat pool in her belly. Mara kissed her way down his neck and brushed her lips against his clavicle, her tongue tracing the line of bone. Luke's hand found her breast, cupping it gently to send sparks deep into her core.

Mara lifted her head again to watch his reactions as she stroked his hot flesh even as she pushed her breath further into him. He looked up at her with lust-darkened blue eyes, his teeth sinking into his bottom lip as she moved her hand up and down his hard member. His chest rose and fell with panting breaths and a low moan escaped his lips, and she felt damp heat pool between her legs, an ache inside of her yearning to be filled.

"You're so beautiful," she breathed, peppering his face with kisses as she stroked him. "Do you know that?"

"No," he whispered. "You've never..." He licked his lips and moaned again as she tugged on him gently. "...never called me that."

She cocked her head, considering. She thought he knew how much she desired him; how much she loved his body, the tautness of his arms when he practiced with his lightsaber, the way his rear looked in tight pants, the firm muscles of his chest and abdomen she so liked to caress. But perhaps that was it - she desired him, but had never called him beautiful as he so often did with her.

Mara straddled his thighs, leaning forward to press her body against his and taking his face in her hands. "You're beautiful," she told him, positioning herself so that his hard cock pressed against her entrance. "I've always thought so," she whispered, sinking down onto him slowly, his thick shaft stretching and filling her. "Ever since the day we met." She traced his face with the light touch of her fingers, and Luke groaned softly as he was fully sheathed inside of her, his eyelids fluttering closed.

"No, don't close your eyes," she commanded, grabbing his chin and forcing his gaze to meet hers. "Look...look at me."

His eyes met hers again, and in there she saw complete trust and complete love. She had been afraid to look before, scared that his devotion would feel like a burden or prison but she now knew it was neither. Mara began to rock her hips against him, keeping her gaze locked on his and relishing the pleasure on his face, in his eyes. He felt so _good_ inside her.  One of Luke's hands caressed her rear, pulling himself deeper into her and encouraging her movements and the other clutching at her breast, rubbing his thumb against her nipple until she cried out.

Mara pushed herself up on his chest, arching her back as she rode him harder, her pace becoming frantic as sharp tingles run down her spine. But she kept her eyes on his, a steady connection between them that would usually be achieved through the Force. But she realised she liked it like this; visceral, primal and utterly real. She wanted to have all of him - his body and heart and soul which he gave so freely. What's more she wanted to give the same back, and wasn't afraid that in doing so she would be lost.

Luke's hands grasped her hips as her movements became erratic, steadying the pace of her rocking hips and she gratefully gave herself over to him. She was teetering on the precipice, his hard cock pumping inside of her as she slammed herself down on him again and again, every stroke lifting her higher until there was no option but to fall.

His name spilled from her lips as she came hard, feeling as if she was drowning in his blue eyes clearer than any lake she'd ever seen, but happy to do so. His fingers pressed into her skin as he snapped his hips up and into her roughly a few more times and then stilled with a shuddering gasp, his face creasing with absolute pleasure and release.

Mara lay down on him, nuzzling her cheek into his chest and sighing with happiness. Luke's hands caressed her back languidly, then reached up to stroke her hair as he kissed her forehead.

"You should wake me up like that more often," he said with a light chuckle.

"I'll make a note of it," Mara responded dryly, but pressed herself closer to him, wanting to draw out the moment for as long as possible. "On the Good Wife list."

"You _are_ a good wife," Luke said more seriously, his hands warm and soft as they continued to stroke her hair. "Tell me if I ever make you feel like you aren't again."

"You too," she prodded him, tracing small patterns on his chest with her finger. "I know it's in both our natures to leave things unsaid, but - I want us to work, Luke."

"We've got time to figure it out," Luke said softly. "Our whole lives, in fact."

* * *

It was midday by the time Luke and Mara reached the end of the river, the rushing water pooling out into a wide silvery lake. The Kaurna settlement was set back not far from the edge, a collection of small domed huts which looked like they were made of bark stripped from the surrounding trees. Small campfires with green and blue flames were dotted around the site, no doubt burning hot to keep its inhabitants warm. The Kaurnans themselves were tall, humanoid creatures with large crainiod heads and flowing black hair, long spindly fingers and delicate features. Luke was unsurprised, assuming that their hosts would resemble the images they'd discovered in the cave paintings, but rather than ghostly white their skin were a variety of pale blues and greens. It seemed that the children were the lightest in colour, their skin darkening as they matured as the white-haired elders around one fire had richly coloured skin of catalina and myrte.

"Over to you, Mara," Luke gestured to his wife as he gave her a wry smile. "Make first contact."

Mara slapped his arm, but quickened her pace as they approached the main Kaurnan camp. "Meri," she greeted, clasping her hands in front of her and giving a slight bow. "Ngai anna Mara Jade, inna ngai yerlinna, Luke Skywalker. Paieriappendi pari warra towilla turralyendi."

It was clearly a prepared greeting, and Luke was impressed that she had not stumbled over the words, although of course he reminded himself that he would have no idea if she had mispronounced any of them. He nodded to the Kaurnans seated around the fire, giving them a warm smile. In prime position was an elderly male, his skin a dark blue with white paint dotted along his cheekbones, and an elaborate beaded necklace around his shoulders. It was safe to assume by the way the others deferred to him that he was their Chief, and Mara kept direct eye contact with him for several moments.

"Meri," the Chief nodded to them, and then turned to the woman who sat to his right and engaged in a hushed discussion. By the sky blue colour of her skin Luke guessed she was just past adolescence. The woman patted the Chief on the arm and turned to them with a broad smile showing gleaming pointed teeth.

"Kanggarendi nepo," she gestured with her hand. "Come forth, friends. I speak your Basic."

Mara looked relieved, and they stepped in closer, taking a seat as the woman indicated on the woven reed mats that covered the red earth around the fire.

"I am Tandanya," she added, her accent heavy but her words clear. "The tribe was expecting you many days ago."

"Yes, we er…" she gave Luke a sideways glance. "Got caught in the storm."

"Our ship crashed," Luke added, belatedly realising that Tandanya might not know what he meant. "Erm…the metal skybird that carried us across space to visit you."

"Yes, I know what you meant," Tandanya gave him an amused smile. "I lived two years on Filalli."

"Ah." Luke felt his face flush, remembering his advice to Mara to be respectful. "Sorry."

Tandanya waved a dismissive hand to show she had not taken offense. "Not a worry."

"It seems your planet's atmosphere contains some kind of energy field that interfered with my ship's systems," Mara said, glancing over at Luke as she did so.

Tandanya cocked her head, and then shrugged. "We do not have ships, so I cannot explain."

"Mailappendi!" the Chief interrupted, his large eyes fixed on Mara. "Warra wanamangura paitays."

Her forehead creasing, Mara looked to Tandanya for translation, but the woman was staring back at her with curiosity. "He says you have been in the cave of the Serpent."

Mara glanced down, clearly troubled, and Luke covered her hand with his. "We apologise," he said, squeezing Mara's hand. "We took shelter there during the storm."

Tandanya waved her hand again. "No apology is necessary. The Serpent must have drawn you there." She pierced Mara with a knowing gaze. "If there was something you needed to see in his Dreamscape."

Luke thought back to their time in the cave, and those wonderful moments when he and Mara had connected so deeply. He hadn't thought it possible without the Force, and yet he'd been proved wrong. Something sacred had happened in that cave, and whatever it was Luke was grateful.

"What is the Dreamscape?" he asked. "Some kind of spirit world?"

"It is hard to explain," Tandanya told them, absently throwing a stick on the fire. For a moment it flickered red, but another woman reached into a pouch and withdrew a green-blue powder. When she threw it over the fire the flames returned to burning hot and blue. "We do not mean dream as you understand it, but there is no appropriate translation."

Mara looked back up, her odd reaction dissipating. "Like a vision?"

"Perhaps," Tandanya shrugged. "I do not know what you have seen, because I am not you. The land speaks to all of us differently. We do not have...gods or spirits as you would call them, but we have the sky above and the earth below, and the water that surrounds us."

"And the Serpent?" Luke asked.

"You would call him a legend, I think," Tandanya nodded, fingering the necklace she wore, carved in the shape of a long snake. "But the Serpent is like all life - he is the past and the now and the times to come all at once. He carved out the rivers forty thousand years ago, and yet he is still doing so now - as the water runs."

Luke wasn't quite sure he understood, but when he looked at Mara she had a strange sort of smile on her face, as if she had found meaning in Tandanya's words. Then Luke thought back to Yoda's advice about the cave on Dagobah when asked what he would find there.

_Only what you take with you._

* * *

Night fell swiftly on Kaurna, but the blue fires burned hot around the village and chased the cold away. Mara had spent much of the day out walking with Tandanya and a few of the other village elders negotiating trading terms, and she had seemed confident despite the challenge that lay ahead of her.

Luke had elected to stay behind in the village, and although he did not speak a word of their language he soon found such barriers unimportant. A group of men took him wading in the lake to teach him spear fishing, then they showed him how they stripped the yellow bark off the surrounding trees to reinforce their small huts. The teenage girls taught him how to weave reed baskets, and the boys gave him a gift of a small knife so he could join their carving circle. He spent most of the evening happily engaged in that activity, allowing the boys to show him their techniques. When Mara returned he presented her with a necklace in the shape of a serpent, much like the one Tandanya wore, although Luke had chosen to carve an intricate pattern of infinity symbols into the animal's hide.

They shared the evening meal as a community - all thirty or so Kaurnans gathered around the campfires eating the roasted meat of some kind of native animal, and bread which had been cooked in the ashes of the fire.

"I ground some of the flour myself," Luke told Mara as he gave her some. "The women were very impressed."

"I'm sure," Mara said dryly, and gave him a poke in the ribs. "You can grind my flour later tonight - show me how it's done."

Luke's cheeks grew warm, but then he realised that Mara's words would not be understood by anyone but him. He leaned over and kissed her cheek, then whispered a response in her ear that made her blush in turn. Any further teasing was interrupted by the odd sound of snuffling at Luke's feet. He looked down to see one of the wolf-like creatures the Kaurna called a warrigal sniffing him with its large black nose and long, pointed ears upright. The Kaurna tribe kept a pack of about a dozen as pets and hunting companions, but Luke had noticed that the animal currently examining him was the runt of the litter.

"Hey, boy," he said, letting the warrigal sniff his hand and then scratching the creature behind the ears as Mara rolled her eyes.

"Your day just wouldn't be complete without attracting some pathetic creature," she commented with a grin.

"I wouldn't be so harsh, Mara," he responded teasingly. "I attracted you, after all."

"Hmph." Mara folded her arms and turned away, leaving him to pet the warrigal in peace. It reminded him of his wonat Patooga, back on Yavin under the care of Kyp Duron. Luke had never considered himself an animal person in particular - at least not like Jacen was - but he found himself missing the creature, and appreciating the warrigal's attention, allowing the creature to lick his hand and nuzzle against his leg. Despite Mara's best show that she wasn't paying attention, Luke saw her sneak a glance every now and then. She'd left her tooka Elia with Karrde, not wanting her to interfere with the unknown ecosystem of Kaurna and although she's said nothing more of it, Luke gathered that she missed her pet as well.

Tandanya approached and sat down beside him. "Luke, you must watch this," he told him, nodding towards where are small group of Kaurnans were painting their faces with a white paste. "They are going to begin a Korribarre."

Mara turned back to them, leaning in. "That's quite an honour - I thought the ceremony was never performed for outsiders?"

"It's usually not," Tandanya said with a smile. "But you both had such an interest in the Serpent's Dreamscape, Barrandani suggested you would like to see it."

Luke looked over to the Chief, his face completely covered with the white paint so he resembled the images they'd seen in the cave paintings. "He is a generous leader."

Tandanya looked at him curiously. "Barrandani is our elder, but not our leader - we have none."

"Oh," Luke grimaced, feeling he'd made another mistake.

"Mara tells me it is your way," Tandanya nodded. "And I know the Fillali have a Queen who rules over them, but we do not live that way."

Luke was intrigued. "If I may ask...how do you decide on things?"

"We discuss, until we all agree" Tandanya told him. "Deference is given to our elders of course, but all opinions are valid."

Luke briefly smiled to himself, imaging what Leia would react if the Senate decided they would discuss issues until all were in agreement. He supposed that the idea, while lovely, may be more suited to a tribe of thirty members as opposed to a quorum of thousands.

"I understand you are a leader, Luke Skywalker," Tandanya added, patting his arm gently to regain his attention.

"Yes," Luke told her. "Of sorts."

"And so you listen to all the voices of those you lead?"

"I try to." Luke's thoughts turned to his Academy - there were over two dozen Jedi Knights now, and many more students. "But sometimes not all agree, and decisions must be made." He glanced at Mara, whose eyes were on the men preparing for the Korribarre but she was clearly listening intently to his and Tandanya's conversation.

"It is not always easy," Tandanya agreed, squeezing his arm gently. "Sometimes we must argue late into the night, and the reward is great."

Luke smiled at the simplicity and conviction of her words. "You have a wonderful community, here," he said, looking around at the tribe and the silver lake glistening nearby. "And a beautiful home."

"We will stay here until the rains stop," she told Luke wistfully. "And return next year when they start again."

"You travel seasonally?" Luke asked, although that explained why their dwellings did not seem permanent.

Tandanya nodded. "The land here cannot sustain us for the entire year. We must move on, and allow the trees to regrow their bark and fruit once more, for the animals to rebuild their numbers. We cannot take from the land more life than it can give."

Luke decided he would never tell her of Coruscant, the city world where all natural things had long since been destroyed. "I admire the philosophy." He looked over to the trees stripped of their yellow bark. "Does the regrowth only take one year?"

Laughing, Tandanya gave him a strange look "You know so little of the land?"

"I grew up on a desert world," he explained, spreading out his hands. "Somewhere it never rained, and nothing ever grew."

"I am sorry," Tandanya's smile faded quickly. "We burn this section of the forest before we leave, and when we return it has been replenished. Life must renew itself," she told Luke. "Some things must be destroyed to encourage them to grow again."

Luke didn't reply, but found himself seeking Mara's hand and squeezing it gently. She sighed in response, leaning her head against his shoulder, and they watched the Korribarre begin. There were long carved instruments played, blanketing the gathering in low haunting sounds as the tribe all began to clap to keep the beat. Tandanya nodded that they should join in, and Luke banged his hands together in tandem with the rest of the tribe as the men who'd been covered in white paint began to dance.

It was easy enough to follow, the elder Barrandani and a group of younger men forming a line to take the role of the Serpent, their dance flowing through the camp. Luke was captivated by the simplicity of the performance, and yet it seemed otherworldly and mystical; blue and green smoke from the fires winding around their white-painted bodies contorted in ritualistic dance.

There was a sense of unity in the small village and its inhabitants who had so welcomed them without reserve or judgement. They had shared something sacred with them, and Luke knew there was much he could learn, if he dared to look beyond the Force and realise that there was still so much about the galaxy he did not understand.

* * *

 

It was Luke's habit to rise when the sun did, his farmer's chrono undiminished even though he had lived longer away from the farm than on it. The previous morning in the cave was the first time he could remember Mara waking up before he did, and he'd been more than pleased in the way she'd done it.

This morning however Luke was again the first to awaken, his arms still around Mara as they had fallen asleep the previous night. It only took a few minutes for her to stir, shifting slightly in his embrace.

"Morning." Luke nuzzled his nose into Mara's neck, making her laugh softly.

"Morning, Farmboy."

Luke smiled against her skin. "Its been awhile since you called me that."

"Hmmm, I suppose this is your lucky day." Mara turned onto her back to face him, her hair matted from sleep and her eyes lidded from sleep. Luke never found her so beautiful as he did in this natural, unkempt state, and he touched her cheek reverently.

"I forgot to ask last night how your negotiations went."

Mara laughed. "Now that's the way for a husband to get his wife into the mood."

"It's the way to get my wife in the mood," he teased, bopping her on the nose playfully.

"Ah, you know me too well."

"So have you made a deal for the cortosis yet?" he asked, not about to be distracted. .

"You know, it didn't come up." Mara's gaze slipped away, and she shifted under the blanket.

Luke lifted himself up on one elbow and looked down at her with one eyebrow raised. "I thought that was the reason you came."

"We didn't even know it was here," Mara pointed out, suddenly very interested in examining the lint on their blanket.

"Well any other minerals then," Luke pressed, knowing she was avoiding the question.

Mara sighed deeply, lifting her eyes to his again, now fully alert. "I decided that mining this planet wasn't the best idea."

"Oh." Luke found himself smiling, his heart blossoming. "The best idea for who? Certainly not Karrde."

Mara huffed and smacked him in the arm. "Knock it off, Skywalker."

But Luke couldn't keep the grin off his face, because he knew that Mara had decided to protect his Order by not allowing the cortosis to be mined, even though it meant Karrde's organisation would lose the potential profits. She was thinking like a Jedi, not a trader - for perhaps the first time in her life.

"So what did you talk about?" he asked, since she'd been in discussions with Tandanya and the elders for many hours.

"We agreed that we could return, pending approval from the whole tribe," she told him. "There's various aspects of the world I would like to explore - the powder that makes their fires burn hot, for example, and various medicines Tandanya spoke about. And...I thought that when I'm ready to take a class at the Academy it would be a good idea to bring the students here, so they can learn to survive without the Force."

Luke cupped her face in his hands, his heart so full it could not be contained. "I love you, Mara," he said as he kissed her firmly, trying to convey just how much her words had meant to him.

She held him to her, embracing him tightly as if she would never let go. "I love you too, Luke," she whispered against his lips. "I love you too."


End file.
